An Introduction

20141109_125217-1[1]Whether it be fantasy or reality or something dirty in between~

It is a reflection of me

And you.


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Never Enough to be Pretty is all the change I have in my pocket- TL Banks


DEA Schedule 1

The left side edge of my upper lip is itchy so I lick it and now, I can’t stop getting it wet
and for some reason that reminds me of the last time that I saw you
you were sweaty and naked and buried between my shivering lower extremities
face deep praying to me with your salamander tongue
and you knew exactly what you wanted almost as if you were trying to remake
me into a marble statue, with full force in the shape of Athena by using your mouth
and all this feels incredibly immortalizing until i snap forward to today and
recall that I broke up with you after that night out of respect for your authenticity
cause it was too much to homestead for a nomad like myself and I carry a sweet sadness
the size of another whole body right around my shoulders and you can’t just rip it
off like that with your love, I need it to survive, it’s where my beauty originates
this whole itch might have just been another uncontrollable craving, just another sign
that I am addicted to you and as soon as anyone finds out about how good you are, they will make you illegal
and they will take me straight to the dungeon of the jail.



Surviving suicide

I missed the fucking bus again
Giant pimple on my nose
Fingertips are frost bitten
A run in my brand new hose
Someone is dying of cancer
Someone didn’t wake to see the sun
Setbacks are temporarily distractions
We were put here to have some fun
I forgot my wallet at the station
My lips are chapped from the breeze
Still every chance I’m taking
Every day I am going to seize
Someone is mourning the loss
of someone just like me
But I refuse to give up the fight
With bruised elbows and scraped up knees
I’m late for work and forgot my lunch
My boyfriend kicked me out
I may not have any money either
But I have nothing to complain about….IMG_20150124_160029


The Soloist

I am not what you are looking for.
You can’t imagine how difficult it is to say that all of the time about yourself
Out loud, where you can hear it bounce
Off roses he bought or bottles of champagne
I am not what you really want.
Is hard to swallow like raw chicken or other kinds of mistakes
But they don’t hear that, they hear keep on coming
It isn’t really even my fault, truly,
Because they don’t hear that, they hear she’s hard to get
They take all my warnings as sporting challenges
And I end up the bad guy beating dead horses
I am not what you you need… is actually what I mean
I’m not making any promises to anyone
That’s all that I keep promising them
and they only think I mean that figuratively or temporarily
Its true, I do, But if I ever gave that speech to you
You aren’t the one who will make me change my frozen mind
So now I have to remind and rewind
Back to when I was trying to be nice
And bear the weight of your rebuttals by saying
A once and for all, fuck off
Which I never really wanted to do
Since occasionally, if I was stressed
I really liked sleeping with you….

Epic Kitchen Photos

The way my knee gravitated
the way I tried to make my hugs last longer
The way you laughed when no one else did
That was what I was looking for
Until I realized, until I actually realized
I had the same thing, already without you
Without the cosmic bullshit
Without the emotional unavailability
Without the thousands of miles distance
And in this moment right now, with you and with him and with her and with me
I have never been so full
I have never been so clear and clean
I have never been so happily ready
To pull my knee back out of respect
To stand just far enough apart to cause no distress
To stand here smiling genuinely
To love you fully but feel it only platonically
I feel gigantic, and real, and obtuse
I feel perfect, and fragile and loose
The way my heart gravitated
To the actual core of you
The way you love me back like what’s best for me is what’s best for you
Has me reeling
Like film…..
Today I realized,  I fucking actually realized
I had the same thing, already without you…………


Fetish Ball



Original Image by Dana Murdock


Queens and Princes on their toes in the mud
straining hard not to see
Dirty images swallowed whole
by degenerate, sanctimonious priests
Elegantly clad in the moon throws
Our blood scouring young faces
Hardly soft and moaning loudly
semi howling in the darkest places
Nunc volo ut abutamur,
Io voglio fare sesso con te ora
All the words sound so trashy
all the warm thighs are sore
The nighttime means nothing
to the unforgiven unbroken core..
I just want more, and more, and more,
and more, and yours..