An Introduction

20141109_125217-1[1]Whether it be fantasy or reality or something dirty in between~

It is a reflection of me

And you.


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Never Enough to be Pretty is all the change I have in my pocket- TL Banks


Scanning Transmission Electron Holography Microscope

They all call me a square
but you see infinite circles in me
You see Fibonacci
And it’s embarrassing because
the more I try to resist
the more your madness seeps in
And suddenly, I too believe
That Bierstadt’s Yosemite
Is a picture of me
Where anything is possible
They call me an outsider
but you see the entire universe
You see string theory
And it’s frightening because
the more I try to resist
the more your flattery makes sense
And eventually, I too agree
A trip on Apollo 11
Only scratches the surface of my heaven
I’m infinite and unending
They see what I show, without blinking
but you…
You, tend to
dig deep

2014-09-27 11.41.47


Bone Dry

I stand corrected. I thought that “thirst” was somebody having a crush on someone else, and treating them as if they were already dating. I remember going on a tirade once about what is the big deal?
I thought that it was innocent.
And then, I experienced thirst.
And it is very much like the actual thirst it is named after.
Imagine you have been walking in a desert for 12 hours and the sun is baking you to death and there is no hope for water for who knows how long and there is sand in your windpipe. You are extremely parched, panicked, hallucinating, fragile and getting sick.
This is thirst.
I thought it was, oh sure, I will have yet another glass of lemonade at the picnic even though I just had a glass full, no problem.
It’s so not that.
It’s like dying and if you could just have a sip of something, anything, urine, sweat whatever, you will live to fight another day.
You’re sick with it.
To be thirsty for another human being is a sad state of affairs akin to watching a crack addict holding his pee yet still trying to sell a broken toaster for crack to a five year old.
I was wrong. I can admit it. Thirst is bad people, real bad.
Keep a canteen, kids! Self esteem is free!


Advice for the first round draft picks…

You think that you are ready, just because you are single but that’s not ready, boo. That’s capable, not able.
Mofos are so busy around this joker, constantly validating themselves by relationships. Well I am MARRIED so… Pfft, but you hate him and he hates you and if either one of you were brave you would leave.
But you ain’t brave if you are married anyway.
That is not my point.
My point is if you are genuinely relationship ready and you are not on these things I am going to tell you then you are fooling yourself, lay off the “stories” and get a life….
Do what you want tho.. who am I to advise you?

5) YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE. If you are staying with some one to save money, save money for WHAT, sucka? To get your own place so you can have a BF/GF? Okay, then you can’t have one ’til then. If you are not able to HOUSE yourself by yourself, whya re you dating? I know its harsh, but that means you need to be single, and build your savings up and take care of your financial situation so that you have enough chips to have a place to go. And don’t then go and date someone who lives with someone , because if they live with someone they are trying to live with you too if they can, so the cycle continues. Not a good look.

4)YOUR MONEY IS BEYOND MESSED UP. If you working part time or some of the time, or you don’t have any savings or any money making money for you or a regular gig, homie, your thinking is way wrong if you are dating. You are not lonely, bruh, you’re impoverished.

You’re not eligible ma, NOT 100,000  in debt. Get some chips. Listen, you need to be able to go on a date and pay for the whole thing, and tips patna, EVEN if you are not paying this time. If you can’t do that, then why are you out? You don’t need to be out, you need to be filling out apps, or working on the project at your gig, LIVE FOR YOU first. Security is a primary need, dating someone is a secondary need. Meet your primary needs first. Don’t be a mooch, leech, burden, gold digger. The quality of partners goes up EXPONENTIALLY when you have your own.

3)YOU STUPID: If you don’t know how to read, you don’t have time for a boyfriend. You can’t balance a checkbook, and you chasing a wife? You can’t change a flat, you can’t cook for Thanksgiving, you never wrote a thank you note, read a bed time story, sewed a button, planted a flower, I mean what do you know how to do, then? Sex Workers can do what you do if that is all you got. And they are professional. Get some skills, learn something ,read something, be something FIRST, that way you have something to share!

2)YOU LOVE SOMEBODY ALREADY: If you love somebody you can’t get and you are looking for a relationship with someone else in the meantime, you dirty. Just stupid. Get over bob. Get over brenda. Remember what is dope about you and do your thing. Stop chasing an invisible or part time or replica bob and brenda. Fix that relationship or get healthy FIRST.

1) YOU ARE BORED: You suck. Know that. Know that in this day and age if you are bored you are boring. This is not the time to look for a date to entertain you, you invisible, insignificant creature. Join a club, support a charity, make art, start a company, DO SOMETHING. LIVE for you first, remember?  You might just meet a chick when you go to skydive. You might just meet the dude in cooking class. Stop being boring and you wont be bored. And whala, you will certainly run across good people, who share the same interests, surprise! Get some damn interests!!!!!

Or keep doing it your way and let me know how it works out……



Never unblocking you

There is something a little bit wrong with all of us.
We fail a lot as a group.
These failings are not good or bad
just tools used to learn
more about ourselves and the spectrum of light
That we float through…
So when I tell you what you want to hear
Whispering it softly in your ear
Its not because I mean it
It’s because I’m mid fail. It’s because I don’t know how else to get free.
To get you off of me
Except to feed you lies that you love more
than you really ought to…
I’m learning as you can see, a whole lot about me
and I am a punk when it comes to breaking up
as fun as it is to share mistakes2015-03-19_20.14.20[1]
I’ve been done with you for a long time
Yet here you are, just another reminder that
We fuck up a lot as a species.
You lie too, every single time that you cry that you need me
it’s not good or bad, just sad
that you won’t let go, even while I am screaming
We’re evidently a little fragile considering
None of us are perfect human beings
And I’m ready to learn something new.


You hate me
Cause I got Alexander Wang bags
Cause I go on international trips
Cause I got celebrities numbers in my phone
and all you can see cause you so slow is all you can be so
You hate me
Cause I’m an actress on General Hospital
Cause I smoked weed with Red Man
Cause I don’t get carded for buying Miller Lite
and all you know is what you stream so what you see and what you wish are reality
You wanna kill me
Cause I’m too authentic and too real and too honest
Cause I don’t cover your eyes from the secrets
Cause I’m thinking your together means a bump in Instagram status and I stopped giving a fugg, when you joined.
if WOMEN MADE 80 cents, 60 if they are brown, to a white bloke’s dollar, THAT YOU WOULD GO MAD?
You still mad I got nail polish that changes color with my mood.
You still mad that the bigots around you aren’t really named Chip.