Check out additional information about me and my poetic dirt right here:
http://tlbanks.weebly.comWhether it be fantasy or reality or something dirty in between~
It is a reflection of me
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Never Enough to be Pretty is all the change I have in my pocket- TL Banks
I just woke up today and I’m only 18.
I just signed up today because she said that she didn’t love me.
I just got assigned KP duty in Basic Training because I am a whiz with cheese.
But I’m sure I love America…
I don’t know what I am doing, do you?
I want some weed or some booze or something…
I don’t know who I am, do you?
I don’t know If Bangladesh is a language or a place.
I just got a yellow fever vaccination and I am stationed in Alabama.
I just feel like a glorified military maid.
But I’m sure I love Liberty…
I just think about my mom’s meatloaf when I eat chow in the mess hall.
I don’t know why I am here, do you?
I want some cocaine, or some heroin or something…
I don’t know what any of this means, do you?
I just learned the difference between 1800 hours and 6 PM.
I just don’t think that this is much different than prison.
I just think she will love me once she knows that I am a soldier.
But I’m sure that I only love her…
I don’t know if I can do this, do you?
I want some sex or some money or something…
I don’t know when I will be home, do you?
I just think that I look better with long hair and a beard.
I just learned how to use an M16A4 and I suck clearly.
I just don’t get an insignia as an E-1 said the Sargent.
But I’m sure I love all the wrong things…
I don’t know if she will ever love me, do you?
I want to fade or disappear or something…
I don’t know what I am fighting her or them for, do you?
As soon as I slather it in ketchup
I immediately want mustard instead
As soon as I find the perfect blue shoe
I change the color of the matching dress
As soon as I move across the country
all I ever think about is moving back
I order cookies when I want cake
keep pushing back the wedding date
and never can choose
between Rogue and Wonder Woman
as my favorite fictional alter ego
So as soon as I say I love you
I hope you didn’t hear me
because as soon as you decide to love me back
expect me to turn around fleeing
since as soon as I settle on anything
everything else becomes the something
that I could have had just as easily
Blink a lot.
yawn and stretch.
Cry to get your way.
Crawl and knock over things in your way.
Laugh and fart and sleep and eat.
Dream and sometimes wet the bed.
Lie. And lie some more. And keep lying.
Wear stupid fashions to look cool in front of stupid kids.
Read and then devise short cuts for reading.
Dance and draw and fight and sing.
Roll your eyes and sigh.
Do stuff you really don’t want to do.
Worship someone or something or somewhere.
Hold your breath.
Betray a confidence.
Limp, and writhe or squirm and moan.
Trust no one.
Speak out of turn.
Snore and vomit.
Regret meeting an idol.
Get short changed.
Grow taller, smarter and older but never up.
Hug and smile.
Prepare and succeed.
Prepare and fail.
Forget to prepare and lie about it.
Realize and forgive but never…
Promise and lie and finish and lie and go to the event with no present and lie and just keep on lying.
And at the end, tell the truth. And then the reward?
Wear a tombstone.
Your masseter could crush bone
Your words could wreck a mind
Your hand could leave bruises
or snap and clap in time
Your leg could kick down a door
Your eyes could melt a heart
Your parts are strongest together
And like us, nothing apart…
After the minimally invasive parathryoidectomy
I stopped feeling
You were still bruised after the tubal ligation
And needed sympathy
But what I gave her,
What I showed her,
was so much better than
A bikini abdominoplasty
I felt it and she felt it and
no botox could predict it
And here we are, healing…
both in doped up states…
both ready to begin again….
And I cancelled the adrenal gland removal
and she cancelled the hysterectomy
because we both are betting on
the medicaid of loving our best friend forever
Until our fucking insurance runs out for good.
A whole lot of anything
On its own with no ambition
can transform itself by improving
Its collaborative position
They tend to search for magnets
find other losers to use
and now stronger than individuals
The whole heap needs something to prove
some way to alienate the disconnected
Stuck together like pastries do
reborn into a bigger glob of whatever was wrong
with nothing more than hating the unknown to do
Fascinated by my own reflection
No idea who is guilty or insane
Sick to the stomach by misconception
No concept of using my brain
Sexual proclivities an abomination
No desire to take a midnight train
Nothing left but piles of frustration
No arteries open but the main
Everything hurts and its all too big
Everything on the surface yet I still dig
Everything is broken so I steadily swig
Everything being evil makes love a good gig
Sometimes we all feel a little alone
Other times, each of us feels a little sad or embarrassed or naive
We’ve all been left out or tired or confused
But the cool thing about all of these emotional states
flying through the radio waves of turbulent brains
Is that they are not stationary and unmovable
As soon as it rains the sun can shine on the same ground
As soon as fear or melancholy rears its pitiful head
in your mind
A millisecond later you could win the lottery.
A millisecond later she could kiss you.
A millisecond later your favorite song could come on the radio.
And those times that we all have felt a little used or useless
Can dissipate into the nothingness that they already were
It hurts more when you try to hold onto a knife by the blade
It hurts more when you let the roller coaster of life drive you insane
Yeah, sometimes we all feel a little alone
But the cool thing is that doesn’t have to be all of the time
take a deep breath of acknowledgement that it exists
but you exist apart from it and are just experiencing it
and shoot it off into the blackness of space
shoot it into another dimension
Tell it to a friend
who can bring you back and help you
revel at all of the bright beautiful possibilities
that can easily save the day
where all of the sometimes fade away…
I could be
like super help mate
or sexy sidekick
Even hot forensic scientist
I can be President
If I have excellent
and noble looking cleavage
I can be
everything now, thank you for letting me
doctor or accountant
thanks for letting me play
self sufficient mum
Aren’t you noble?
Aren’t you a gentleman and a scholar
In my wigs and stilettos?