Ok, So today has been hard. I’m struggling with a cavity and an absessed tooth. Major pain. And I can’t get them pulled or fixed or whatever dentists do because I have to pay upfront. I just started a new job so I don’t have insurance yet. Shit sucks. On top of this my best friend just told me he is getting married. Normally that would not have been a big stressor, except for I was in love with him and pretending not to be just to be in his life. I realized, very recently, that it was not only fucking up our friendship but messing up my real relationship with my crazy ass boyfriend. Don’t mistake me I love my boyfriend. He just isn’t affectionate. He isn’t romantic. So I have been stealing my romance from my bestie, and my ex husband and frankly anyone who would be nice to me. The pain in my mouth triggered some things. It reminded me how fragile and other people and relationships truly are. And I decided, to once and for all, stop being a selfish greedy bitch, and let all my exes go as friends. In order to truly do this I had to get off facebook. Its tough when you are addicted. So I did and I have been crying a lot lately. Mostly because of the pain in my mouth but also because I had no one to talk to and share it with. My bf is not a sharer, he is a fixer. If it hurts or its broken, let s fix it. He has no concept of money but that’s a different post. Any way, this morning I woke up with minimal pain. So I decided to take him down to the strip and just enjoy our selves. Which I don’t do on sundays. Sundays are my relax day to prepare for the week. so this was really strange and rare and should have been fun. Nope.
As soon as he got a beer in him he started complaining about how cool I have been with my exes. Not even considering I just cut them all off. He said, you have been crying every day because you miss facebook. I said, fool, I have been crying because my face feels like it is going to explode! he didn’t care. And in the midst of our argument I get a text from my ex bestie, the one who is getting wed. It was very casual and very painful. I had to tell him to not contact me again and all he had to say was goodbye. I suppose that’s good, but what was horrid , was five seconds before that my bf goes, he doesn’t like you but I wish he would take you off my hands.
So perhaps he doesn’t but that is okay he was a fantasy anyway but to hear that from my bf while he was drunk and we all know how drunks tell the truth hurt, more than my tooth.
SO I am in a fucking mood.