And all of a sudden there he was.

I hadn’t seen Miguel in exactly 3 years and 3 days.

He let his beard grow in.

It was sexy.

Amanda and Carla were both pregnant.

And because they were my best friends I went with them to the outlet mall to fantasize about the kind of kids they would have and the kinds of clothes their kids would wear when they got to the rebellious stage.

Amanda, was a hard core rock goddess. She has tattoos of her favorite band’s album art. Much like Grateful Dead fans used to be Amanda chases her band across the country. Then she met Ted, the accountant. Ted, Mr. matter of fact. They were funny together. The Flintstones. So Amanda said, “holy fuck you guys I’m gonna have like a ballerina, self conscious Barbie daughter who only wears labels and never gets dirty!

We laughed a kind of terror like laugh.

Then there was Carla.

Carla was a wrestler in college and currently team captain for the bank’s touch football team where she worked. She laugh-sighed, Me too she said.

They hugged each other and when they did I saw him.

I instantly knew.

My heart hurt.

I blinked.

And there he was.
Miguel Zo.

My first boyfriend.

My first crush.

My first sex.

My first.

He was walking into the same baby clothes store we were headed to.

Amanda said, She’ll be blonde and stupid, watch.

Carla said, I know they will both be stupid ass cheerleaders.


Why was he there?

I couldn’t forget the conversation we had…

He was laying atop.


Moon beaming on his face.

“No, he said, I’m not the marrying kind and kids? Hell no…”

We laughed about it over breakfast.

How silly I was.

We broke up three years later.

I knew, I would be just like my friends,  married and pregnant by now.

But I’m single with an unruly cat hanging out with my married pregnant friends.

At a strip mall.

Shopping for baby clothes for babies that don’t exist yet and who do I behold?


I know that he sees me.

We locked eyes for 15 seconds,

Longest time ever.

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