Just another day at the Ultra Man Food Service
“Melting cheeses and faces off since 1973”
Owner & Head Chef: Archimedes Higgenbottom III Alter Ego: Ultra Man
General Manager: Jimmy Olson
Location: Last standing location-Queens, NY Nestled between the Obese Pet Emporium and Huang Ho’s Dry Cleaners for Dwarfs
(Gotham City UMFS burned down in 1988 and Metropolis UMFS blew up in 1967)
Sometimes superheroes work there, but for the most part, they all eat there.
JO: Beast just quit.
AH: Why? He was the best in the kitchen, jumping from the fries to the grill by dangling on the water pipe, what the hell was his problem?
JO: He didn’t like the uniform.
AH: What else could he wear to keep us up to health code, Jimmy, come on! The fucking guy is covered in fur; remember the Lion-O incident? I got to protect my customers over here, Jimmy, gimmie a fucking break!
JO: A Giant Condom though, Archie, really?
AH: Why are you breaking my balls here? Yeah, I mean, what protects you better than a condom, these days, seriously? It’s kept me from herpes for 53 years, what the fuck is the matter with youse guys?
JO: The guy almost died, Archie!
AH: Nobody makes flapjacks like Hank! Those hands!
JO: He couldn’t breathe in that thing, Archie!
AH: Couldn’t breathe?! What the? – That ain’t one of his powers?!
AH: He doesn’t have like 8 lungs or some shit, he put it on his resume, though, didn’t he?!
JO: No, he did not, Archie.
AH: Fuck me Friday! I swear, like ‘almost dying’ is a big deal, these super guys are such fucking primadonnas…
Jubilee keeps getting fired for walking through bathroom walls to clean the toilets while guests are still using them and worst of all, for passing out too many fucking napkins.
Ultra Man was a Super for about 28 days. In Germany. Until he found out there was already an Ultra Man in Japan. It really is a long story.