So wonderful to be single until you walk into the room Then I start thinking about Waking up in the morning next to you Emilio Yawning Exhausted from watching you sleep We stayed up so late last night, Emilio Playing Uno and taking shots of Jack Like neither one of us knew We were nearly … Continue reading Emilio

Pussy Price Tags

He moved the couch He mowed the lawn He watered the plants He fed the kids He took out the trash And washed the car And cooked your favorite meal. So You pull out your calendar of obligations You need to send your mother a mother’s day card You need to get the dog groomed … Continue reading Pussy Price Tags

At it_Again

The psychic told me that I am a priest. I am an English Priest from 1100 A.D. I am a male  English Priest from 1100 A.D. and I am corrupt. I accept sacrifices for selfish gain from parishioners in the form of sexual favors. Particularly young women. I was excommunicated and started a cult. I had … Continue reading At it_Again

Multiple Conversations

  Man One: Can I get some of that sticky icky icky this weekend? Man Two: What’s up Cherry Cup? Man Three: Hello Brown Sugar! Man Four: On my way to the beach to reflect on my mistakes. I never should have left you. I’m sorry. Man Five: Come pick up grocery money and make … Continue reading Multiple Conversations

Slutty Ethics

13)You can call him papi. Maybe even daddy. But if he has the same first name as your actual father, you can never call him that, in bed.  12) If a man ever refers to himself as a pimp, you are obligated to embarrass him by youtub-ing him begging you for sex. Then you must sleep with … Continue reading Slutty Ethics