Normally it’s all up to me The venue the view and the price tag Normally because I’m in control I decide where the thing will go but I never really know so, I yo yo It never occurred to me that anyone dealing with the shit that I was dishing out was a fool But…
Tag: decisions
Clouds Gather & Disperse
I don’t know what I felt or feel right now The horoscope predicted luck The wind didn’t fuck my hair up Even though the first interaction I had today was ‘you look tired’ And I thought bitch I just might be… And the night before someone had said to me I don’t know what I…
Quarks
Empty beer cans slight hunger traveling as far as I can no road under feeling indifferent traveling through spaceland and my mind’s eye searching for your face I almost cannot see Missing you but pushing through is the tiniest everything Full ashtray kinda high traveling with no seat belt heart in the sky feeling confident…
Karaoke Night
And all the songs sound the same in that they all start off as broken dreams They all start off as underestimating me They all start off with a slow long vibrato Making you feel me when you don’t even want to And then comes the hook, the hook is the best Even if you…
The Calculator
She’d counted. From the driver’s side door to her new office’s visitor’s entrance that opened onto the dimly lit main lobby was 342 steps. There were 4 bushes to the left of the double glass doors and 4 to the right. The walkway was graveled cement. 16 steps from the main floor to the second…
Me and My Brain
Self Control is masochistic It’s frustrating so I drown it. I’m everything I ever wanted to be but It hurts so bad so I drown it. Misery is prolific Its painful so I drown it. Striving is pathetic It’s killing me because I drown in it. I swallow endlessly I’m drowning… I’m drowning… Its hopeless…
Green Tea Extract
For the entire time that I was consciously aware Of what was happening around me and who people pretended to be and what the world said that they should have been juxtaposed with the reality of what they were I always felt so sorry for my grandma. Not only sorry that she grew up in…
The Odyssey and the Iliad
This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…
Ohio Renaissance Festival
When I was 41, I pissed on the chest of a 22 year old Abercrombie looking white boy who was a soccer and poker player in this apartment. I found out that it wasn’t just depression or PTSD or PMDD but Borderline Personality Disorder in this apartment. I frantically paced wondering where my son had…
George Wickham
Our new reality is you’re a fucking moron. Its one thing to not like or respect someone but its a whole other thing to feel that way and still attempt to use them as if they have an obligation to you. How stupid could you be? How stupid do you think that I am? (And…
