2,261 Tuesdays

I made a fool of myself today I drank a beer today I brushed my teeth and my hair today I masturbated today I overshared today I lied today I day dreamed today Okay I had, like, two beers today I excommunicated some life draining humans today I rolled my eyes today I listened to…

Ancient Indecisions

I’m never happy when I’m sober I never like it when you’re here too long Or you try to sing the song, after hearing it once So you are just mouthing the words, with no idea what you are saying and you are staring at me for some kind of validity, hoping maybe I will…

Self Portrait

There’s a woman who trusts in astrology and thinks that the universe supports her She likes poetry and never re-gifts anything and loves traveling on the spur She’s entirely too tall to feel so small as she does when someone dares to love her She likes sapphire rings and has crazy mood swings and drinks til…

An unsolicited open letter to Dave’s girlfriend

Hello. I have only met you once in passing but I would like to say my impression of you is that you are an aesthetically pleasing, loquacious, quick witted young woman with a carefully crafted manipulative streak that should serve you well if properly applied. Unbeknownst to you men are much bigger gossipers than women are and because…

Special Delivery

Pixie,   Greetings. I can see you now, wondering how this letter to you comes in your own hand writing. Before you start tearing at yourself for writing to yourself in a drunken stupor, this is a letter from you in the future to you in the past. And no, we are not drunk, right…

Pussy Price Tags

He moved the couch He mowed the lawn He watered the plants He fed the kids He took out the trash And washed the car And cooked your favorite meal. So You pull out your calendar of obligations You need to send your mother a mother’s day card You need to get the dog groomed…