107 days in the Capital of California

In September the one skinny artist dude sweat and grunted too much so I opted out. Later that month the young gorgeous thug wanted to be a professional escort so I saw him out. In October the potential stalker felon cat fell in love with an idea because of blood’s warmth so I scared him…

Dusty Record Player

Nothing will ever fill the hole. I know that. And all I am doing is pretending that I have that thing. Whatever that thing is. Is it hope? Is it talent? Is it other people? Nothing I ever do will give me the people that I should have had And being mad at them won’t…

Unrelated

The details of your face and smell are finally, fading and they say that expressing anger is always the best thing for you and maybe I’m a bullet dodger but the sound of your voice is becoming all of the voices of the past even though they say that many animals can form friendships with…

Vladimir Mayakovsky

Not like any of it matters but It was 14 degrees Celsius in Paris today. And you wouldn’t believe it but ants evolved from waspy ancestors and Nobody cares, I know, but if they did they’d read more Carol Ann Duffy and eat more Chia but The mind stands still and Time is unusually resistant…

The Odyssey and the Iliad

This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…

Prevention

If my head was in that space right now the space where ending it all was all that I could think about what would I want someone to say to me and mean wholeheartedly? I’d want to be told the following: ” Baby, come hug me. I hate when you don’t see in you what…

Death at Charada

I saw myself across the crowded dance floor of aimless arrogants in a Spanish bar on the other side of the world from where I was when I was my reflection’s age… She was, I was, we were, the only overweight girl(s) in the room and in the clique and I witnessed me through her doing…

Firm Undergrowth

Before you were born… On the edge of the forest down by the sweetest river bank a single solitary rabbit, decided that he was lonely one day and figured he would strike up a conversation with a dove who had landed solely for a cool drink of water. After a few moments of listening to…

Self Portrait

There’s a woman who trusts in astrology and thinks that the universe supports her She likes poetry and never re-gifts anything and loves traveling on the spur She’s entirely too tall to feel so small as she does when someone dares to love her She likes sapphire rings and has crazy mood swings and drinks til…

Suspiciously high thoughts during a sober moment….

Why is autumn called the fall? Why is falling down so funny? Why are the funniest people so sad? How can laughter be the best medicine when we are so afraid to be laughed at? Why do they call it falling in love? Why is it that when we see someone hurt themselves we laugh…