Son Lux

The thing that I like about him the best is that he said exactly what he thought that this association should look like right out of the gate. My god. He didn’t try to trick me He didn’t try to manipulate me He didn’t try to see where I was vulnerable and exploit me He…

Sugar Baby Potential

Just in case he never comes back which would be a rookie mistake on his part I feel that I need to say that he came as advertised even though he lied He pretended to be closer in age Just to get next to me The creep of Destiny And I didn’t act right, I…

Boys from the Bay

I like doting on men. Saying sweet shit like I don’t ever need anything else but you and making them poetry, and stories and songs and doing all of the stupid and specific sex shit they like and acting all vulnerable and innocent and pleasant and letting them fuck me whenever and wherever they want…

Salt rimmed Margaritas on the rocks

Normally it’s all up to me The venue the view and the price tag Normally because I’m in control I decide where the thing will go but I never really know so, I yo yo It never occurred to me that anyone dealing with the shit that I was dishing out was a fool But…

14 hours before I move back to California

Perhaps if I hadn’t thought I could no longer live in Indiana because I couldn’t find any love there I would never have moved to Upland, California in 2005 and I would never have met the Man from Moreno Valley and I would never moved to Vegas with him and I would never have left…

The Odyssey and the Iliad

This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…

Ohio Renaissance Festival

When I was 41, I pissed on the chest of a 22 year old Abercrombie looking white boy who was a soccer and poker player in this apartment. I found out that it wasn’t just depression or PTSD or PMDD but Borderline Personality Disorder in this apartment. I frantically paced wondering where my son had…

The Devil’s Sneer

Slightly but obviously imperfect A neck it takes a whole hour to kiss Is what I like A barely noticeable scar across the chest Just a little of him is too much Hands always clutched around something A far away look in the eyes Strategically picked shirts that seem incidental Aversion to nothing Just a…

Battle not lest ye become…

I stare at you like you’re wounded and I am going to eat the flesh from your bones as soon as you get dizzy and weak and fall into my arms. I don’t like you anymore. Before, I wouldn’t make eye contact, couldn’t even, because I did not want you to see the fact that…

Mon plaisir…

You were the cleverest, most charming wordsmith that I had ever seen. Nobody loved you and hurt you as much as me. The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that obscure Carmel pub… The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that sports bar in Henderson… The jukebox playing music from my…