Dusty Record Player

Nothing will ever fill the hole. I know that. And all I am doing is pretending that I have that thing. Whatever that thing is. Is it hope? Is it talent? Is it other people? Nothing I ever do will give me the people that I should have had And being mad at them won’t…

Gray hairs on Sweaters

In my mind you’re the finish line. My fantasy has always been slightly different from yours Mine has a lot to do with us being together in the mornings and not just at night… but I’ma fix it… Even though I can’t force your hand. I’ma fix it. In my mind you’re the trophy. Unfortunately…

They drink La Cerveza del Pacifico Clara around here

This is the part that gets so hard for me. The part where I don’t know what to feel or how to trust it. I’m a fucking nightmare. I was told recently or I read somewhere that if I want to ever trust other people, I have to learn to trust myself. And I don’t…

Gravity Glue

Sometimes I’m horny. I can even be sinister. But I’m always just cataclysmic. Sometimes I’m happy. I can even be sanctimonious. But I’m always just corporeal. Sometimes I’m hopeful. I can even be sympathetic. But I’m always just climatic. Sometimes I’m hungry. I can even be sarcastic. But I’m always just carbon based. Sometimes I’m…

No Thru Traffic Here

If you say you coming at 6 and you not here at 6, you late. I’ma be somebody else, on something else already. If you text me good morning beautiful but you aint never seen me in the morning so you don’t even know if that shit is actually true, just to wake me up…

Kim Deal

Slowly but surely I’m scooping the balm of the sages on myself and lathering me up Surely yet slowly I’m coating the itchiness of insecurity with the salve of reality and clarity I heard it a million times before that nobody is perfect but I never let it sink into my skin deep enough before…

14 hours before I move back to California

Perhaps if I hadn’t thought I could no longer live in Indiana because I couldn’t find any love there I would never have moved to Upland, California in 2005 and I would never have met the Man from Moreno Valley and I would never moved to Vegas with him and I would never have left…

The Odyssey and the Iliad

This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…

George Wickham

Our new reality is you’re a fucking moron. Its one thing to not like or respect someone but its a whole other thing to feel that way and still attempt to use them as if they have an obligation to you. How stupid could you be? How stupid do you think that I am? (And…

After Nell Fenwick Again

You’re asking me, world, for all this strength and I can barely stand There’s nothing to sweep up and muster sometimes when everything built is on shifting sands All I can do is get back to my weight loss routine get back to some universal truth Get back to standing for something get back to…