Slowly but surely I’m scooping the balm of the sages on myself and lathering me up Surely yet slowly I’m coating the itchiness of insecurity with the salve of reality and clarity I heard it a million times before that nobody is perfect but I never let it sink into my skin deep enough before…
Tag: pain
14 hours before I move back to California
Perhaps if I hadn’t thought I could no longer live in Indiana because I couldn’t find any love there I would never have moved to Upland, California in 2005 and I would never have met the Man from Moreno Valley and I would never moved to Vegas with him and I would never have left…
The Odyssey and the Iliad
This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…
George Wickham
Our new reality is you’re a fucking moron. Its one thing to not like or respect someone but its a whole other thing to feel that way and still attempt to use them as if they have an obligation to you. How stupid could you be? How stupid do you think that I am? (And…
After Nell Fenwick Again
You’re asking me, world, for all this strength and I can barely stand There’s nothing to sweep up and muster sometimes when everything built is on shifting sands All I can do is get back to my weight loss routine get back to some universal truth Get back to standing for something get back to…
Battle not lest ye become…
I stare at you like you’re wounded and I am going to eat the flesh from your bones as soon as you get dizzy and weak and fall into my arms. I don’t like you anymore. Before, I wouldn’t make eye contact, couldn’t even, because I did not want you to see the fact that…
Prevention
If my head was in that space right now the space where ending it all was all that I could think about what would I want someone to say to me and mean wholeheartedly? I’d want to be told the following: ” Baby, come hug me. I hate when you don’t see in you what…
Mon plaisir…
You were the cleverest, most charming wordsmith that I had ever seen. Nobody loved you and hurt you as much as me. The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that obscure Carmel pub… The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that sports bar in Henderson… The jukebox playing music from my…
At the Holiday Inn with Logan
You lie to me You cry with me You’ll have to leave me I can’t be strong Our song is on Your heart’s gone Something’s wrong Why don’t you Why can’t you Why won’t you Now you’re gone But our song is on And I’m in two Why didn’t you Let love kill you To…
Mother Moonlight Starshine
I’m shiny and 12 again. I’m scraping the topsoil with my hands. When I was 12 I used to love when I got sweaty and funky and other people would say you stink and it would make me cry but those tears and those insults and purposely skipping baths helped me to feel like I…
