Antigen

All twisted in knots not sure if I’m doomed Do I stand on top of or lie underneath you Do I treat you the way that I treat every other man Or do I twiddle my thumbs until you open your hand Do I find a replacement for the nights I am cold Or do I chastise…

Loyalty

And I can let him go… even though he saved me and then he put me in a closet, pressed in a book out of view like a dead flower and pulled me out every once in a while, wiping off the dust, smiling and then returning me to the closeness of yellowing pages in the darkness…

Expiation

Before yet another year Yet another day Yet another dawn Before I can grow and move on I have to take one last look At where I’ve fucked up Take a glance at the wrong I’ve done So in another day Another dawn Some good can come I’m not sorry about what I’ve learned I’m still testing…

Feeling Zaffre

No sweet brow sweat No lunging forward No backtracking from missteps No pale knuckled prayers No trials and errors No begging and pleading No trying to forgive yourself No hang overs or peddling back No wincing at lost wishes Just perfect lunches and high fives Sitting together arm and arm Sighing slowly and laughing Look…

The Drifter

You watch them smiling at you And all you see is teeth You try to explain your frustration and your fan club can’t believe They were born confident and satisfied They were raised on wholesome content You were born under a  dark rain cloud Your sickness is determined and intense You say, Hail this, hail that,…

oCtObeR

October In the morning when I wake I’ve had all I can take and the sun lets me start again. I don’t think you understand That I took a stand and I can’t sit here waiting for the coming judgment down from you Nothing left but live to do So I stay longer awake…. Instead,…

Non compos mentis

I really don’t have to think about any of this. I can train myself, to only think about moon light and what my next meal will be. But then I think, if all I am concerned with is food and shelter, then I am merely surviving in the world and isn’t the goal to be…

50 hours before I leave the country for Italy….

I am going to stay on an even keel I am not going to worry about things that I cannot do anything about I am going to breathe in deeply, hold the breath and exhale slowly I am going to pause and self soothe and remind me that I love me I am going to…

The Day Pixie Found Herself

She said no that day and threw the clothes that she had bought him away She bought some face wash and herbal tea and and wrote some poetry She listened when her son said you should stop going back She listened when her friends said you’re so much better than that She put on black lipstick and…

Muscle Memory

Frequently enacted task list Call you wait… Text you wait… holding on to reins attached to the atmosphere Again and once more and then a revolution Sit here wait… Twiddle my thumbs wait… hanging by to hang out with the ether Brain cache activities Think of you wait… miss you wait…dreaming of aberrations long gone…