Abnormally Love Tapped

Be the best thing that ever happened to me Be something to me be somebody, be my somebody be mine. But maybe you shouldn’t because I don’t know who I am supposed to be just yet And I don’t know how to love anybody back right just yet But I’d like to try if you…

Warren G and Gluten Free

I’m sorry it’s hard to stop. I’m back in grad school now and I’m panicking. It’s actually pretty fucking great, that’s the problem. It’s legit wonderful. I like school. I like order. I’m trying. I take cranberry pills and plant based digestive enzymes and green tea supplements now. I meditate on Wednesdays and listen to…

Me and My Brain

Self Control is masochistic It’s frustrating so I drown it. I’m everything I ever wanted to be but It hurts so bad so I drown it. Misery is prolific Its painful so I drown it. Striving is pathetic It’s killing me because I drown in it. I swallow endlessly I’m drowning… I’m drowning… Its hopeless…

The Odyssey and the Iliad

This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…

Prevention

If my head was in that space right now the space where ending it all was all that I could think about what would I want someone to say to me and mean wholeheartedly? I’d want to be told the following: ” Baby, come hug me. I hate when you don’t see in you what…

Low man on the Totem

The life changer, the back bone, the fill up The first one, the starter kit, the come up And only you care because you were there So on a dare you turned unfavorable into fair You fed him, you watered him, you gave him wings You’re the architect who envisioned future things The mover, the…

Ressentiment

  I very nearly told you…   About where I’m headed How leaving you was dreaded About how much gloating I’d done In front of everyone About how I felt about you And why I can’t continue And why I’m not going to connect About how I hate when you deflect About my heart’s suture…

Oldhead

When you scared as hell but you still wanna try To put the past on the shelf and kiss old loves goodbye So you clean out the closet and puff out your chest And whisper I’m sorry and let karma decide whats best Then you slap on shiny lipstick and say it’s all good And take…

The everlasting ephemeral

I can close my eyelid down, blocking out the light assuredly feeling still the heat of the day each second a never ending connection to all before and after hunting to sleep in a cradle of calm waves with nowhere to fade away I can close my emotional center, blocking out heart beats hazarding to voice…

Skinned knees

At the risk of sounding foolish I needed you so much that I didn’t feel whole without you. And I hated it. I hate you for allowing yourself to be my human addiction for so long watching me clinging on to the person that you pretended to be. At the risk of sounding foolish I…