14 hours before I move back to California

Perhaps if I hadn’t thought I could no longer live in Indiana because I couldn’t find any love there I would never have moved to Upland, California in 2005 and I would never have met the Man from Moreno Valley and I would never moved to Vegas with him and I would never have left…

The Odyssey and the Iliad

This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…

Ohio Renaissance Festival

When I was 41, I pissed on the chest of a 22 year old Abercrombie looking white boy who was a soccer and poker player in this apartment. I found out that it wasn’t just depression or PTSD or PMDD but Borderline Personality Disorder in this apartment. I frantically paced wondering where my son had…

George Wickham

Our new reality is you’re a fucking moron. Its one thing to not like or respect someone but its a whole other thing to feel that way and still attempt to use them as if they have an obligation to you. How stupid could you be? How stupid do you think that I am? (And…

Robert Frost

When you begin genuinely, just like he said, you’ll never know from the start where it will end or how When you begin with something on your heart and in your mind but you’ll take whatever it gives you just the same But me I’ve been searching for peace up mountain tops with my soul…

Battle not lest ye become…

I stare at you like you’re wounded and I am going to eat the flesh from your bones as soon as you get dizzy and weak and fall into my arms. I don’t like you anymore. Before, I wouldn’t make eye contact, couldn’t even, because I did not want you to see the fact that…

Bon Mot

2:00 PM EST I texted the monster and I know that I shouldn’t have. He made it really clear that he didn’t want to have anything else to do with me. But he was my favorite person for two years and it’s super hard to let that go without a replacement. So I sent him…

Mon plaisir…

You were the cleverest, most charming wordsmith that I had ever seen. Nobody loved you and hurt you as much as me. The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that obscure Carmel pub… The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that sports bar in Henderson… The jukebox playing music from my…

At the Holiday Inn with Logan

You lie to me You cry with me You’ll have to leave me I can’t be strong Our song is on Your heart’s gone Something’s wrong Why don’t you Why can’t you Why won’t you Now you’re gone But our song is on And I’m in two Why didn’t you Let love kill you To…

Mother Moonlight Starshine

I’m shiny and 12 again. I’m scraping the topsoil with my hands. When I was 12 I used to love when I got sweaty and funky and other people would say you stink and it would make me cry but those tears and those insults and purposely skipping baths helped me to feel like I…