Clouds Gather & Disperse

I don’t know what I felt or feel right now The horoscope predicted luck The wind didn’t fuck my hair up Even though the first interaction I had today was ‘you look tired’ And I thought bitch I just might be… And the night before someone had said to me I don’t know what I…

Kim Deal

Slowly but surely I’m scooping the balm of the sages on myself and lathering me up Surely yet slowly I’m coating the itchiness of insecurity with the salve of reality and clarity I heard it a million times before that nobody is perfect but I never let it sink into my skin deep enough before…

The Calculator

She’d counted. From the driver’s side door to her new office’s visitor’s entrance that opened onto the dimly lit main lobby was 342 steps. There were 4 bushes to the left of the double glass doors and 4 to the right. The walkway was graveled cement. 16 steps from the main floor to the second…

Me and My Brain

Self Control is masochistic It’s frustrating so I drown it. I’m everything I ever wanted to be but It hurts so bad so I drown it. Misery is prolific Its painful so I drown it. Striving is pathetic It’s killing me because I drown in it. I swallow endlessly I’m drowning… I’m drowning… Its hopeless…

The Odyssey and the Iliad

This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…

Ohio Renaissance Festival

When I was 41, I pissed on the chest of a 22 year old Abercrombie looking white boy who was a soccer and poker player in this apartment. I found out that it wasn’t just depression or PTSD or PMDD but Borderline Personality Disorder in this apartment. I frantically paced wondering where my son had…

George Wickham

Our new reality is you’re a fucking moron. Its one thing to not like or respect someone but its a whole other thing to feel that way and still attempt to use them as if they have an obligation to you. How stupid could you be? How stupid do you think that I am? (And…

After Nell Fenwick Again

You’re asking me, world, for all this strength and I can barely stand There’s nothing to sweep up and muster sometimes when everything built is on shifting sands All I can do is get back to my weight loss routine get back to some universal truth Get back to standing for something get back to…

Robert Frost

When you begin genuinely, just like he said, you’ll never know from the start where it will end or how When you begin with something on your heart and in your mind but you’ll take whatever it gives you just the same But me I’ve been searching for peace up mountain tops with my soul…

Battle not lest ye become…

I stare at you like you’re wounded and I am going to eat the flesh from your bones as soon as you get dizzy and weak and fall into my arms. I don’t like you anymore. Before, I wouldn’t make eye contact, couldn’t even, because I did not want you to see the fact that…