Hey Self.

I have to say….and I should know the answer to this, but, how are you?

 I feel like we don’t spend enough time alone together you know…although I know we will be alone together until our last breath. I guess I’m just having a hard time figuring out how to say what I need to say to you without sounding corny.

I guess that first off an apology is in order. I know that no one in this world will stand with me like you have over the years. I cannot say I’ve been easy to live with- I’ve doubted you, I’ve tried to hurt you, I’ve lied to you, I’ve used and manipulated you- which makes it not so surprising that you don’t trust me.

I deserve that.

To say that I have cheated on you, self, with other people’s problems and personalities and hopes and habits would be the understatement of the millennium.

I had a plan though baby, believe me, I was hopping up and down trying to ride the wave toward a shore where I could feel the love I so desperately craved. I did it for us. Foolishly.

 And not once did you try to stop me. I could see you crying though and I ignored you because I’m fucking selfish, alright, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.  I wanted someone else to give you what I should have been giving you. Basically I took you for granted.

I realize now that you are definitely my best friend. You’re all I’ve got in the world.

I hope you aren’t too disappointed in me for realizing how awful I have been to you, so late in the game.

For those things I’ve done to you, Self, again, I am truly sorry.

I know you will have a hard time believing me but I do love you. I’ve done a horrible job over the past three decades showing you that I do because I guess I figured if I could get someone else to love us, then I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. One less thing, y’know?

I know that makes no sense.

 I vow I will do my absolute best to change. Nudge me sometimes when I fuck up okay, because I don’t want to hurt you anymore.

I will do everything I can to put you first.

I swear I’m not lying this time.

Thank you for always forgiving me.

(I hope that wasn’t too cheesy.)

You’re a doll.

Signed with the utmost gratitude,

Pixie Lorraine Prince.