Pixie and I worked together for several years, but spent most of our time together outside smoking.
Yes, we have had sex. The last time was November of 2008. It was not the first time. The first time must have been closer to 2005.
The first time was drunken, sudden, and slightly guilt tinged for me, because I was in a relationship at the time. However, the sexual tension had been there for so long, it needed to be put down. I clearly remember you saying after we were done, “Finally, that is out of the way”
The last time, was a planned thing. We had a hotel for a couple of days. I wish I was of clearer head, and less exhausted. I had worked for something like 45 straight days, and once I stood still, I think I slept more than usual. I felt bad about that.
I think I needed to work out things, and you were one of those things. I still firmly believe that we are a raging couple in another life, but for whatever reason, it’s not this one.
Did I enjoy it? Of course. Being with you without rules or commitments was wonderful. I also think that while you and I always talked a lot, we never spent that much time together in a row. Not that it was bad, just different.
I know you want details, so here is what I remember.
I had been at the hotel for a while by the time you arrived. You had called me and let me know you were about to arrive, so I went into the hallway and looked down into the open foyer and looked down on you arriving from the 14th floor. I hurried back into the room, as not to look anxious.
I don’t think we kissed when you arrived, but I remember feeling a bit of swagger. We went to a late dinner. You made a comment that the other people in the restaurant think that I was your boss. I believe that I answered that with something like, “Who says I’m not?” before coolly sipping my beer. You later told me that you wanted to take me right then.
We went back to hotel room. I am naturally shy when it comes to sexuality, which clashes with my normally large bravado. I had really built this up in my mind. It had been the go-to file in my spank bank for years, and it was about to happen. I remember being ……disappointed ….in my performance the first night. I believe I made up for that later.
Oh, you were also on your period. I do remember that. It didn’t stop me, but I did shower after. I hoped that you didn’t take that personally.
No, because it means that souls don’t grow. The perfect person for you at age 20 could be wrong for you at age 30. There could be hundreds of perfect people for you at any point in your life, but the chances of you meeting them when you are available, and that you both are the right place is rare. There are people who will mirror your own life tides, and you are lucky to find someone on the same rhythm as yourself.
The worst I think I did to you was not talk to you for like two years after our tryst in 2008. As I stated before, I was working on a lot of stuff that you and I have already discussed. What I love the most about this is once we reconnected, we hadn’t missed a beat. It was as if we just pushed pause on a movie, and then picked it up when we were ready.
As a serial monogamist, I don’t understand the perfect one night.
Really, I don’t.
Sex is awesome, but I would rather have great conversations AND great sex.
Being inside someone is one form of intimacy. The pillow talk that goes into the morning is another.
The ideal partner-Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Stranger than Fiction”. I struggle with following rules that no one but me understands. I need someone who is willing to break all the rules, and invite me to break the rules right along with them.