“Ooh baby I love you”

“Tell me once again how much I mean to you”

“Let me hold you and buy you Volvos or Manolos, I’ll pay the bill”

“Let me touch you and take you from poverty in Nowhere-ville”

“Everything about you is cosmic and delicious”

“I can’t wait to be with you until were sick and crippled”

“I love you more than love can love anyone”

“Forever and always you’re the only special one”

Kissing and holding hands

I’ve seen it!

I know that it exists!

And the only way I’ve heard this-

The only way I know-

Is because it was said to a sweet guy named Joe and

The person professing his undying heart

Was a homegrown sweetie by the name of

Mark..

Guys like that don’t like girls like that.

Or I simply prefer to date giant assholes.