Stoned

I like Fruity Pebbles.

The sixties were horrible in the US.

I have like all this fucking change in my car. No one takes change.

Mickey Mouse would look so smooth, I swear, if he would wear green shorts. For real.

I bet the government turns aborted fetuses into bologna. How would you know? Seriously?

There was so much discontent and so much violence in the U.S. in the 80’s. I couldn’t have survived, man.

I bet dirt hates getting on people, huh?

I mean, people can’t afford to waste meat.

My eyes change colors in the summer. Sometimes they are green like Kermit skin.

There was so much unrest and mistrust in the 70’s.

The Ken doll should have had real hair to comb and not plastic hair. And a dick too.

But I would give anything,

Now

To at least feel something.

I like the color green. It makes me think of moss.

I wonder if a dog, like a pretty poodle was like, really hungry, if it would eat like, I dunno, another dog, like a dead Beagle that someone hit on the freeway?

There are no causes, no missions, nothing to be fervent about.

I hate Kate Moss. She is too fucking skinny.

And this satisfies the masses.

But not me.

I think I ate a crunchy daddy long legs spider once in my sleep. That shit was weird.

It’s worse now than it ever was.

I’m in love with your smell. You smell like potpourri.

I know a dude, for real, who has a tattoo on his back of a cow on its hind legs, milking itself with globs of milk squirting all over the nape of his neck.

Our government is still destroying the innocence in us and others worldwide.

Conjugal. Conjugal is a weird word. Conjugal. Con. Ju. Gal.

There is still poverty and racism.

I’m technically not gay but I wouldn’t kick Nikki Minaj out of my bed.

Why toast isn’t called crispy bread? Nothing else is called crispy bread. A toast is what you do at at like, a wedding. What if someone got up, at a wedding, with a piece of toast and was like, I want to toast my brother the groom and like, threw the toast at his brother? That would be kinda funny.

What happened to what they were fighting for?

If you can’t smell, onions and apples taste the same. Sweet.

It’s really between Fonzie and MacGuyer for coolest tv dude. I don’t know. Close call.

Does indulgence and greed help you pretend it didn’t exist?

But a wedding reception is not supposed to be like the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Now that you have enough images, and toys and celebrities do you no longer care?

Tit to gut ratio is really important, especially if a broad is kind of fugly in the face.

Is this the freedom that they wished for?

I fucking hate Fruity Pebbles.

Now, every man, woman and child volunteers to become vapid slaves?

What the fuck do hippies eat?

To at least feel something.

How cool would it be to see a dog, eat a dog?

I see the quarter, George Washington facing the left-

Nope, Jack Tripper, Jack Tripper was the coolest TV dude.

I see the dime and nickel-

Actually, I could go for some toast and like, some apple butter on it. Apple Butter is the shit.

And I see the penny-

Do you know that like glass is made of like, sand? Sand? Grab some sand…you can’t see shit in it.

I bet my mom was a whore. She has awesome lips when you look at them alone without staring at the rest of her face.

Jack Nicholson only ever plays Jack Nicholson in movies.

All this fucking change, man!

Poor old Abe

Facing the right

I only want to go there to drive on the Autobahn.

I think in a battle to the death, Vader would smoke Superman.

The right which is still right is always right ‘cause it’s fucking right.

I’m thirsty but I think I want some ice-cream.

I’m getting my shit together tomorrow dude, I’m gonna write a book about my life.

Mike Tyson should marry someone like that grisly bird lady from Mary Poppins cause they both dig helping out pigeons.

Kiss me.

My life has been revealed on a stupid penny.