This is a play. My life as fiction.

There are four characters; DoucheBag, Shitface, Galileo and Herpes.

Act ONE-1994, Center Stage, Shitface.

The protagonist and Shitface fall in love. They have so much sex her hip pops out of place often.

1995, Enter stage left, DoucheBag.

The protagonist and DoucheBag have sex while Shitface sleeps. DoucheBag’s penis curves to the left and it is painful.

2002, Down from the Rafters floats Galileo.

Shitface has disappeared, DoucheBag is a memory.

Galileo and the protagonist create a fictional world.

A play within the play.

Where they love each other tremendously with their minds alone, although he is engaged.

Until they officially have sex in Las Vegas of all places and stop speaking for years.

The protagonist has no idea where she made the mistake.

In 2005, the protagonist, who has fully given up on love, attempts suicide.

She is prescribed Zoloft.

Later that year she meets Herpes, downstage, right.

She stops taking Zoloft.

They fuck and fight for 6 years. Herpes mostly withholds sex as a control mechanism.

Act TWO-2012

96 hours ago, DoucheBag calls the protagonist for phone sex.

He misses the protagonist. Longs for dirty pictures to jack off to on his long subway commute.

For the past six months Shitface has texted and called reminiscing of the love affair he was

So entrenched in with the protagonist, no one else has ever pleased him so. He misses her too and to prove it, Shitface is going to travel 2000 miles to see her and can’t wait to sleep together again.

3 months ago Galileo warns as he succumbs to divorce, These are called look backs, okay? Dicks do look backs. Its rebound shit. Don’t fall for it Pix.

Herpes, unable to truly ever go away calls and comes by and stops over uninvited to have sex or to fight or to get as much attention as he can like any other disease would. He gets drunk and confesses to the protagonist that he cheated on her twice during their six year run when he was holding out.

She finds relief.

A play within a play within a play.

She confesses that she traveled 2000 miles to sleep with Galileo while she dated Herpes so all is forgiven.

The protagonist suggests at scene end, Move on Herpes, before Act THREE.

ACT THREE-Today

DoucheBag, Center Stage,  announces that he proposed to his girlfriend atop the Eiffel Tower and she accepted. Look back Ends.

Shitface, exiting stage right,  announces that he has found a new love to replace the protagonist and chooses to no longer sweet talk her every night on the phone because he cannot go backward and won’t be coming to visit the desert after all. Look back Ends.

My life as fiction.

Galileo, floating back up to the rafters, hits the gym and goes on the prowl and has acquired a very cute tiny porcelain china doll girlfriend for his mantle to keep the stuffed fish and deer heads and himself from loneliness all of which he looks extremely happy to have captured in photographs of them together. She is the exact opposite of the protagonist physically. Look back Ends.

Herpes confesses no one else really loves the protagonist as much as he does. He remains downstage right and will not move.

Hip pop.