The English Major Waiter

I’m not mad

But a wet towel is a worthless towel

Until again it dries.
I can’t use my degrees for anything
and I never was a materialist
but I assumed because I had these towels

With my name on them

That I could act like the Bounty brand paper product spokes model

That I could act like a pirate waving a WARNING flag

But a wet towel is a worthless towel

Until again it dries.
Wet towels are a hindrance called
Over qualification
in a bad economy
No one wants to pay me so you can

Take this badge off me
and shine your shoes with it sparkling
maybe cool your brow for now
and hopefully if the day returns

When scribblers are worth a mint

When was that, ever, 1515 A.D.?

I am not too old
to make a billion dollars

Turning hieroglyphs into sentences
until then I dirty my

Freshly toweled hands

Daily as I am reminded that
I should have studied pharmacy
alchemy
wizardry
anything

other than

writing.