Then it dawned on me. Maybe it was that karma stuff. I mean, I hadn’t always been a thoughtful and devoted wife. Maybe it was catching up to me, all that shit I pulled when I was a girl. Half of it wasn’t my fault though but it seemed that now I was paying the full price. When I was 12 years old how was I supposed to know that there was some law that says you can’t make out with good looking boys if they happen to be related to you? I mean I had never met him before but when I found out that he was my cousin it was too late. The deed was done. He was so sweet and I just knew that when our baby came we would grow up and get married and have a beautiful home and family but my ma explained to m that it wasn’t right and wasn’t nobody having no baby. It would have been a girl I think. I would have named her Virginia George because I think having a masculine middle name makes you tougher. Plus her father’s name was George. I never saw him again, his side of our family packed up and moved to Michigan and no one spoke of it but I was mad, and that’s probably how my bad luck started because I got so angry. I was so mad at Momma I stole money from her purse while she was sleeping and I would hang out on the corners at night while she worked at the hospital smoking weed and cigarettes with older boys and stealing clothes at the mall during the day with my big sister’s friends. I never got caught cause I was only 13 so they never suspected me. And momma, she had 5 of us to raise on her own and she didn’t worry much about us since my older sister did most of the cooking and cleaning and caring for us. And she was a rabid bitch. A real miss goody two shoes. I threw a brick at her head one time because she tried to put me on punishment after she found me with some weed. I earned it myself how dare she take it from me? She had to get stitches cause of that and she wrote me off afterward. She told me if I wanted to live my life being a ragetty little whore than I was welcome to it. When she cooked she never made enough for me and she wouldn’t wash or mend my clothes neither. I didn’t care back then. Fuck her was all I thought. I kept thinking she is lonely and fat and 19 with no man and all she has is taking care of us kids. Well I’m gonna live my life and show her what she is missing! I left the house after that. On my own taking care of myself at 15.  My uncle by law, Willie didn’t want me turning tricks to get bread so he got me an apartment down town- real nice little place and I didn’t even have to pay him rent, I just had to let him sleep over a couple of times a month. He told my mom’s sister, his wife, he was away on business on those nights and she never heard no different from me because I had stopped coming around. Alley cat had her own pad, good friends who played music and could get whiskey coming over all the time and a nice little sugar daddy or two buying her clothes and make up. She was having the time of her life! It was fun. Until my uncle tried to leave his wife for me and things got uglier with the family. I told him I couldn’t so he kicked me out. I thought that was the karma stuff you know and I thought I was squared up, I mean i dropped out of highschool and I didn’t really have a family no more so this was payback. I was wrong. I got a little waitressing job it wasn’t hard and it was a good lick because I met so many people who could get me weed and a little powder and drinks and let me crash a couple of nights at a time. I met Owen when I was a waitress. Actually I met him in the neighborhood when I was 12 he was my boyfriend before I met George but we never did anything. When he saw me passing out coffee he stopped me to tell me how beautiful I was and how he missed me and if I wanted to, I could come live with him. He was the nicest man I had ever met. He had money from playing music and he got high with me and we danced all night long. He told me to quit that stupid job and be his wife full time so I did. I sent a picture of me and Owen in front of our condo in California back home to my old mean fat sister so she could be jealous and see how happy I was by the beach with my husband. You know in nearly 50 years her condescending old ass hasn’t changed a bit? We both help take care of Momma now that she is on her last legs and my mean ass sister loves bringing up how my life went to shit for this reason or that one and I don’t say nothing for Momma’s sake. Owen still writes me from jail and I do still have a soft spot for him because even though we have been apart for more than ten years now I am technically his wife. How could I have known that when he would get coked up that his real desires would come out? How did I know that all the little  boys in the neighborhood that would stay the night at our house weren’t just trying to learn music and be around cool free people? I was under such a fog. It was my fault in a way. When I saw that little boy, couldn’t have been more than 12 on his knees in front of Owen with his pants down I just closed the door and pretended I didn’t see it.  I figured, I was high, I dreamt that and went back to decorating and cooking and partying. If I can recall that was 1987. Owen didn’t go to jail until 1994. They say he raped some 6 year old but I will never believe it. We had just found out that we both was diagnosed with HIV and a few months later they said he had not just given it to me but also to the lil baby. Believe it or not I’m recovering. Since I been back home and living with Momma I’ve been going to church and praying. My family mostly still stays away from me, but I know God forgives. This is that karma stuff. I got to sit her and listen to my sister rant and rave ever day until my Momma dies and she don’t care I’m sick too. I’m paying it all back , God. Allison David can handle it.