I wanted to gamble last night.

I wanted to gamble last night and win.

I thought that this was possible because

I read somewhere if you want something

you can have it if you simply ask the universe for it.

So I put on my makeup and said, 

Universe, I want a thousand dollars tonight.

Just then I remembered reading about a chick

who had used her intuition to find the right direction.

Never miss the subtle cues.

So I went out to my car and said to a coin,

Heads I will go gamble here.

I was thinking of another place I wanted to go but

took the chance on the toss.

The toss did not go in favor of the place closest to me

So I assumed that meant go anyway.

It may have meant stay home all together.

I was confused for sure.

So I went to the close place and changed 100.

I sat at a machine and reached in my pocket for

my smokes.

My smokes were not in my pocket.

This was odd because as I locked the apartment door-

I checked my pocket for smokes.

Smokes were there,

Now gone.

Not a good sign.

I played at that machine anyway and lost 40 of my 100.

Not the quickest way to 1000.

Don’t miss the subtle cues.

So I got up and went to the cig dispenser.

The cost- 8.00 a pack.

Not happy about it but I put my money in and 

the pack did not drop.

It just hung there, taunting me.

Not a good sign.

I found security who sent me to the gift shop

who sent me to the front desk who sent me

back to security for my smokes.

Maybe another machine? I mused.

I took the wrapping off my pack and 

took my cigarette lighter out of my pocket

only for the lighter to fall into the trash.

Irretrievable.

Don’t miss the subtle cues.

I was thinking, Universe do you want me to friggin just go home?

No clear answer.

I went to another part of the casino, found matches, got a Newcastle and 

waited. Some dude sat next to me claiming to be good luck.

I thought, yes. This is who I need.

He had already won 800.

He recommended I go play the game he played.

I did.

I lost 20 bucks.

Now I was mad.

I thought this stuff is stupid I feel stupid.

It dawned on me. I really never wanted to go there. I had wanted to go to this other place all along. That’s where I was going to win.

But all I had was thirty bones left.

I walked to my car and I said,

Universe, if I am supposed to go home and get more money, then let the first song that comes on the radio tell me so.

If I am supposed to just go to the other place with this thirty, let that be abundantly clear.

I want this 1000.

I sat in the car and turned on my radio.

My Incubus CD started to play.

The lead singer said- If not now, when?

I interpreted that as go.

I drove across las vegas to this other place, determined.

As soon as  I got out of my car and locked the door-

A black cat crossed my paths.

I stood there frozen.

Wait.

Does that mean something?

Is that a superstitious thing and does that have anything to do with the law of attraction?

Isn’t it just a cat?

Or maybe I shouldn’t ignore the subtle cues.

I got in the car and drove.

Frustrated.

I said Universe, seriously? Fine, this car is going to go wherever the signs take us.

The first sign I saw was for the freeway.

With little gas and little money I hopped on it.

I had no idea where I was headed.

The first flashing casino sign was where I was stopping

but there was none on this road.

I glimpsed a bar neon sign on the right.

I pulled in.

The place was small, yet crowded with regulars and comfortable.

I ponied up to the bar, got another newcastle and put ten in the video poker machine.

I closed my eyes in this public place and said, I need 1000 dollars.

I played.

I lost.

After a few more beers the bearded guy walked in and sat next to me.

The bartender called him Jim.

We immediately connected.

The Bar Chef called him Sam.

He kept feeding my machine and buying me drinks.

I was having more fun than I expected to and quickly forgot about my original request.

In Pixie Prince fashion, by four am I was ready to show him a little gratitude.

He asked if I smoked.

I said yes.

I never asked his real name.

We went to his place, smoked, listened to Bob Marley and he made me feel beautiful 

for several hours.

This was way better than money.

This was actually what I really wanted it.

This is what I was really asking for and I knew it.

I never wanted a thousand dollars.

Like that would ever have been enough.

I really just wanted to gamble.

I did.

I wanted to feel loved and sexy.

Even if it was only for a little while.

I got that too.

I wanted to be hugged and kissed and stroked and pleased.

And I got exactly what I really wanted.

Jim or Sam drove me back to my car at 11 AM.

The request I made verbally and what I was really asking for were not one and the same.

I  learned that from the bearded guy.

And I had fun.