Welcome to the Pixie Prince School of How to Score a new man by ditching the old one.
Are you too scared to stand up for yourself? Afraid to tell your guy to jump off the Golden Gate? Feeling a bit passive aggressive? Well, these are the tips for you!
10. Steal anything from his mother.
9. Humiliate his penis in public. Preferably on a microphone in front of a crowd.
8. Cultivate the fine art of constant nagging about everything he does or says.
7. Cry daily about missing your ex.
6. Start dressing in masculine drag and lifting weights. A few steroid pill bottles around the house for effect.
5. Quit your job and max out his credit while you find yourself.
4. Fake pregnancies and miscarriages regularly coupled with tip number 1.
3. Go to his family functions and reunions completely wasted and hit on everyone over 18.
2. Slowly move into his best friend’s place.
1. Have sex with anyone but him.
Disclaimer: Not to be used on sociopaths, other passive aggressives, violent psychotics, drug abusers, or those prone to suicide and especially not to be used on guys who co-signed for your car.