Sam

At the carnival there were other choices.

Big plush Donald Duck dolls, a life sized Tommy Pickles, A Scooby where the eyes were goo- googly-but

As soon as I saw the brown teddy, with the soft marble eyes and the cutest satin bow tie- I knew I couldn’t leave

unless you won him for me,

And you did.

And I named him Sam.

Sam and I slept together every night that you and I couldn’t.

Like when you went back to your home town during holidays in college.

Or when you came to visit my house and my grandma made you sleep on the floor instead of in my room.

I would hold Sam, like he was you.

Besides your love he was the first thing you ever gave me.

And like you as soon as I saw him I knew that he was mine.

Years washed over the bear, his marble eyes dim and loose,

His red bow mahogany from travel, fur pieces frayed and clumped here and there- He was even more beautiful to me then.

I would fight anyone who touched him.

He was mine.

Until you weren’t.

Until you left.

And then I could no longer look at Sam.

He was you.

At the carnival there were other choices.

In your life there were better options.

So he stayed in the cold attic, in a dark car trunk. Just until you had come to your senses and came back but you never came to anything and back was not the direction your life moved in and I was stuck with him like an unwanted child almost and what could I do he made me cry so I

cut

off

his head.

I would hold Sam, like he was you.

Your head seemed off to me too.

I knew then and I still know you are gone.

And you had the nerve to ask me years later in a casual conversation, whatever happened to Sam?

It’s just a fucking teddy bear.

What happened to me and you?

 

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