Instead of getting down on my knees
And closing my eyes
And asking the mystery cloud master for guidance
I turn on a Beatles record-my shield
Drench myself in Marlboro smoke
Stretch my body along my bed
And cry heavy words into my notebook
About how he, whoever I love in the moment, touched me once
About how I tried to make a moment endless-my strength
about how it cascades around in my mind for hours, days, years
And like any other addict
I search for other kinds of physical fixes to emotional woes
A new job, a new place, new people-my challenges
Nothing suffices but everything calms
When I select a new personal savior, a new him that I ache for
Then I put on a Fleetwood Mac record-my sword
Light a few candles-my respite
and stand in the mirror looking into my brain via my eyes
like any other fiend
day wishing about the blessings my mystery earth master, my imaginary lover-My god
Will bestow upon me
Nothing suffices but everything calms
with a first kiss-my motivation
Just to get through the day-my battle.
My Mind, My Mood, My delicately poisoned pen... 
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