Frenemy within

I lie to myself so much
I tell myself shit like, I’m different from everyone else and because of that somehow better because I can see things that no one else can see and the fact of the matter is, none of that is actually true.
I tell myself that there are rules out there in the universe governing relationships and that if I could just learn them and abide by them I’d happen upon the creature that best reflects who I really am inside and we would become one entity but this also is a terrible, childish lie as well.
I tell myself that I am in control of something, of anything, that I own it or possess it or created it so therefore I am because it is and it is my destiny to do godlike things in godlike ways and conquering is strength but I can’t validate any of these notions because I fail at proving them multiple times a day.
So since I don’t really know where we come from
And since I don’t really know why we are here
And since I lie to myself and say that I am over you when I just learned how to love you
I don’t trust myself at all.

2015-04-02_22.32.57[1]

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Sabiscuit says:

    Hello, this was an interesting post because I had published two related posts on my blog about this issue: using a prop to feel good about yourself, and making comparisons to feel when we don’t feel happy about others having what we want. I’m just glad to see you having an open and honest conversation with yourself and putting it out there. We all do this. The point is to not make it the template for living because at some point, someone is going to show up with a bigger and better prop. Happy Easter, SB.

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