Trip to Mozambique

And this is how it happens
I wake up a little afraid
That I am repeating old patterns
That I never truly mean what I say
I get scared that I am falling
In a loop, head over heels
In love with his potential
And never something real
How he is in this moment
What it if it never changed?
Twenty years from now
Would my love still stay the same?
I’d rather die full of bullet holes
than ever have to decide
I’d rather die of Katana wounds
not just of my stage fright
Can’t I wait until a flower blooms
Or ever reach one before it dies?
And this is how it always goes
I second guess if I chose right
Because I only ever fall in love
With who puts up the biggest fight
But protesting too much they say
Is blatant exposure of uncovered lies
How come I never notice that
Til after I’ve pledged my soul and mind?
Sugar loves me desperately
And Alcohol does too
And I’m sure if I gave cocaine a try
He’d be faithful to each breath I drew
And this is where I end up
Feeling selfish and scared and confused
Feeling like eating grenades
Feeling like singing the blues
Feeling like going somewhere
without the burden of men
Feeling old puncture wounds caving
through my heart again
And this is how it happens
And this is how it goes
And this is where I end up
In a darkened corner, alone…

 

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