So low I’m high or so high I’m low

The last drag off my cigarette fills up my entire chest cavity
and my mind
aimless and unsettled
wanders the empty streets every night
looking for some balm
looking for something to worship
or just something to believe in.
The final sip of my alcohol burns the wholeness of my throat
and my heart
broken and fearful
leaves bread crumbs for you to follow
underneath a slick coated bloody covered veneer
underneath someone else’s punches and scratches
just waiting for something different to feel.