Ancient Indecisions

I’m never happy when I’m sober
I never like it when you’re here too long
Or you try to sing the song, after hearing it once
So you are just mouthing the words, with no idea
what you are saying and you are staring at me
for some kind of validity, hoping maybe I will nod with you
to the beat
and possibly pat your head for trying
and possibly stay with you through your lying
and possibly ignore the fact that you don’t really even like me
or anyone who is like me
just because your family raised you not to and you’re
trying really hard to, and it’s so totally obvious to everyone except you
because you never accepted you as much as I pretended to
I try so hard to stay sober but then I start thinking
and thinking overtakes me and I run all of the plays in my mind
Like a black female Machiavellian Sun Zu was trained to
and I keep coming up with no way this could be anything
but just another lesson that I must learn before I meet the one
or before I destroy my liver, either one will change me dramatically
and I am never ready because at some point you should be happy
and you are not the point….

2015-06-08_20.20.48[1]

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