Infiltrating my own crestfallen mind

The voices in my head say I’m not good enough but

I’m cute.

My son is smart and healthy.
No one can see your pain so it isn’t there.
I have a place to stay with internet and central air.
I remind myself-
Feel better it’s not so bad look on the bright side of you…

I got food.

I got costume hair that I love.
No one can see your pain so they don’t care.
I gotta relax, I’m okay everything is okay, I’m just fine…
So feel better it’s not so bad look on the bright side of you…
Just one more day to make it through
Other people are dying, hungry, starving-
I got books and records and a record player.

I have a treadmill in my apt to run on.
The voices in my head say it’s too hard to keep trying but

I can walk, I can see, I can dance, I can sing.
So I should just feel better it’s not so bad look on the bright side of you…

My heart is beating.

I’ve got a couple of friends, lifelong ones, good people.
No one can see it, no one cares.
I gotta relax, I’m okay everything is okay, I’m just fine…

Might as well feel better it’s not so bad look on the bright side of you…
Just one more day to make it through

I’ve got a boyfriend who is tremendously in love with me, ridiculously.
Just one more day to make it through
I’ve been to Canada and Mexico and Italy.

I’ve won awards.
I keep repeating-
Feel better it’s not so bad look on the bright side of you…

An Environmental Scholarship and a Poetry Scholarship in my name
But the voices in my head say you want more than you deserve…
Just one more day to make it through
I have written Pixie’s Last Summer, The Minx, Drunk Talk, It’s Never Over, Lascivious Musings, Licking Wounds and Feeling Zaffre.
No one can see it. No one believes it.
I gotta relax, I’m okay everything is okay, I’m just fine…
I am creative.
I can breathe.
I have five tattoos that will mean something to me forever.
Other people are struggling, fighting, begging and pleading
It’s so easy to say feel better it’s not so bad look on the bright side of you…
I have a job in the field I love and am good at.
Just one more day to make it through
I gotta relax, I’m okay everything is okay, I’m just fine…
But it’s so hard to do.
I’m fighting too.
It’s so hard to do.
No one can see how badly you treat you
Just one more day to make it through…

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