Keyholder Repose

Wherever you try to hide from it is foolish because it finds you
No matter how strongly you fight against it, it leans in
And I don’t want this because you don’t want this
which makes me want it and you even more because like everyone else
I am clearly stupid and incapable of ignoring it
And the tears are cleansing, a reminder that I am still human
I haven’t fallen off of the edge yet, I still feel things I can’t control
And what you are asking of me is proof that I feel it for you
simply because I can’t do what you want in good conscience
and that’s hard to admit since I am not a good person
but whenever you try to pretend it doesn’t exist, you see it
No matter how defiantly you shake your fist at it, it hugs you
And I can’t have this because you say it’s inappropriate and unrealistic and bad timing and not in the cards and other euphemisms of disinterest
which makes me sad that accepting the truth only pleases one of us
And the tears are burning, because I never would have any at all
If I had just paused and realized that I can’t take anymore games
especially not the ones that I initiate- so burn my skin off since
I haven’t completely reprogrammed myself to not believe in it
because I met you and now I can’t make it’s shadow
go away in the daylight no matter what I do….
The tears will coat the wounds, in time I will forget again
So instead of hanging on like the romance novels say I should I will do what I always do when vulnerability seeps through and chuck the cause out the window which is the only reason that I would ever get rid of you.


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