Before I leave you alone ( you know that I have been desperately trying to)
I wanted to say that I met an actual fully grown man.
He hits most of the right notes, brilliant, not half bad looking etc., but I have to say to you before I continue to do my very best to move on, that no one kisses the way that you do.
At the end of the first lovely adult date with the man, he kissed me and I didn’t feel anything.
You have broken my mouth, little boy.
I don’t know how you know to be as passionate as you are but I really enjoyed kissing you.
I will miss it dreadfully.
I will not miss your surly attitude, your ignoring me, your pussyfooting, your sinister self-deprecating lazy manipulative ways, or the anxiety that I feel whenever we speak or talk or text or if and when I get blessed for a few hours in order to touch you to your specifications, all of that I will gladly trade for his calm conversation, his hand holding, his physical strength, his attention, his generosity and his ample knowledge that I can usurp.
But your kisses are potent.
Biting and pulling that decadent bottom lip makes life worth living, I swear.
Thinking of them now is like watching one of those atrocious romantic comedies, you know the ones, the flicks where you hope that the lip lockers love each other forever because the connection is so well orchestrated and magical.
If I could bottle those kisses and wear them as perfume, I would.
If I could take one at the end of a long day like a chill pill, I’d keep my prescription up to date.
Nobody can even know that I know you and often I wish that you would disappear into nothingness so that I can pretend that I had never seen, smelled or tasted you.
That would be better for me, of course.
I think your kiss is a warning that a horrible person is behind these delicious little pillows of ecstasy; be forewarned, suitor, for your heart is destined to break due to any intimate acquaintance with this beast.
Your kiss is perfectly addictive, juicy, powerful and an all-around awesome part of my journey so far, thank you.
I needed to tell you this although I am confident that you already know and it bores you.
I wish that I could have just one more precious kiss, I do- but like an alcoholic, I know that just one more of those poisonous puckers will have me reaching for the entire bottle all over again and I know that the rest of you is empty when it comes to me.
The only heart that you have that I can touch is on the edge of your exquisite lips.
I feel the rush from those electric kisses at unexpected times, like when I close my eyes in an elevator, or waiting at a queue at a store- then crash—a flashback of your open mouth comes into my head and my knees weaken.
I know in time that you will become a man and that you will get everything that you dream of- and I hope that someone breaks your heart into a million shreds and that you cry for days in angst before you do and when that happens, I pray that you think of me somewhere warm, ecstatic at your torture, smiling at your pain…..Because I nearly traveled to your town the other day just to get one of those kisses from you when I was well aware that you couldn’t care less.
Had I not stopped myself, I would not have met the man who hits most of the right notes.
Perhaps trying to avoid the damage that happens after your luscious silky kiss is what lead me to him.
I’m lucky, he is actually pretty great for all intents and purposes.
I’m not saying that he is the end all be all one for me but I am saying that he will help me recover from my six month long sick obsession with putting my tongue on and inside your wet delicious mouth.
So in a tragic way, I’m grateful, you evil little cretin, you.
You’re a beautiful disaster with a volcanic kiss that could destroy worlds.
And maybe when I said that I loved you, that breath taking atomic kill shot kiss was what I was talking about all along. It doesn’t matter.
You don’t give a shit, I know…but I just had to say.
Take care kiddo,