Curl Patterns

When they’ve stayed I felt strange
Like I owed them in some sort of way
For putting up with me for more than a day
I’ve known something needed to change
One I kept for 16 years
acting like I didn’t have ears
When he said the only thing I fear
that he never loved me at all
Another I kept for a solid 12
Even though I spent most of that time on a shelf
While he loved anyone and everyone else
Who seemed more stable than I was
I had one I lived with for 8 years
And I spent 7 1/2 of that in tears
Trying to trick him into believing
He was off about me being crazy
I let the previous one love me for only 3
He saw everything dark about me
and yet he was more manipulating
than anyone without a clinical diagnosis should be
so I’ve let this one go after a mere 16 months
We’ve had nothing solid mixed in our fun
He never wanted me and him to be an us
But I knew this before we begun
I have a history of letting go while I am holding on
Since loving myself is a place I’ve never gone
I tip the scales to make things that shouldn’t, go wrong
So I don’t have to wait as long
For a person to leave me alone
But less than two years have passed
before I pumped the brakes instead of the gas
which means that slowly but surely
I’m letting go without losing me fully..

2 thoughts on “Curl Patterns

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