Today I will accept myself and work on improving my own life.
I look good.
Fuck you.
I feel good.
Fuck me.
And everything works out for me…
I just want to be sexy enough to not have to think about this shit
and yet I’m devastated and deflated and unhappy at my own unhappiness-
But
Today I will be nonjudgmental toward myself and others.
I can’t make him want me, I can’t make anyone do anything, even me, even me-
I just want to be rich enough to not have to live like this shit
And everything works out for me
But
Fuck me.
Stay calm.
I can’t make me do anything and I keep fucking up, I’m just a fuck up and stupid, bloody stupid, I don’t see things, I won’t see things-
I just want to be rich enough to not have to live like this shit
Today I will be at peace, a good mom, a good person and a good friend
and yet I’m devastated and deflated and unhappy at my own unhappiness,
I can’t make him love me-
I just want to have him close enough that his dumb ass can’t escape my shit
and yet I can’t make anyone do anything, even me, even me,
I can’t make him love anything that looks like me and I keep fucking up!
But everything works out for me- I have to believe…
Because I take care of myself and the people that I love and I demonstrate this every single day.
But
Fuck you.
Fuck me.
I’m just your classic garden variety fuck up and stupid, so fucking stupid, I don’t see things, I refuse to see anything…
Stay calm.
I wish that I tasted good enough that he would forget all my bullshit
I am not responsible for the happiness of others, only my own because I can only control me.
I can be a light.
I can forgive my own failings.
Problems are bumps I will recover from.
I just want to float above all of this shit just watching it
I look good.
Fuck you.
I feel good.
Fuck me.
And everything works out for me…
and yet I wish that he was it, that he was it, that he was it
Be brave.
Be focused.
But
I just want to be ten thousand times less desperate about this shit
Stay calm…
Fuck me.