Man, so now I want to fuck with him because I don’t want to fuck with him because of you.
Look what you did.
This is pretty much your fault you know that right?
Yeah, he’s liked me 6 months longer than I have even known you.
Yeah he texts me beautiful shit a thousand times a day.
And to top it all off today, he offered me loyalty.
He literally said I would be the most important thing in his life.
I fucking hate it, its so adorable and youthful and childish and stupid.
Wait but the best bit is, I go, are you expecting that back from me?
And he goes, Nope.
He’s cute don’t get me wrong and tall and slim and he works and he’s funny and kinda nerdy and all innocent and under normal circumstances I might date him because what could it hurt but
I’m not normal.
So just because I’ma an asshole for preferring you, I’m on the phone ragging at the dude because he has no wheels. I’m saying shit to try to get him to not like me and for no reason because you don’t fuck with me like that.
You wouldn’t and you won’t and if you ever did I’d be so brokenhearted.
I’m not normal.
Don’t you change.
And now I’m going to hell because I might fuck with him because I don’t want to fuck with him because of you.
See you, if you didn’t have a car right, and you got stranded right, after attending a Klan rally behind a cornfield right, in Nebraska right, at three AM right, you could text me to come get you and I’d be halfway there before you hit send.
It’s some lame fucked up shit.
And here he is, and here they are quite frankly, all these thoughtful and sugar talking ladykillers spitting mad game at ya girl left and right about happiness and monogamy and loyalty and adoring me and missing me and all I think is
Look what you did.
Don’t you change.
You’re a piece of shit, you know that right?
I’m going to hell.
Look what you did.
That’s how this all got fucking started.
I’m not normal.
Because I am just a piece of shit too.
He’s over here offering loyalty.
I should just probably fuck with him even though I don’t want to fuck with him because of you.
Loving you is awful damn good.

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