DSM VI

People like me, like us, often have no choice but to talk to themselves because there really isn’t anyone else to talk to. I must tell myself to calm down. And a lot of times the reason that there isn’t anyone else around is because people like me, like us, have systematically pushed anyone who could have potentially cared, away. I should tell myself to stop catastrophizing. There’s a whole host of logical explanations for this kind of behavior from conditioning to experiences to wiring and there really isn’t anyone who can be blamed. Not anymore, other than the people like me, like us. I must tell myself that I am worthy and valuable and beautiful and smart and talented and lovable even if no one else anywhere is demonstrating that first, any of those traits are valid- let alone mine to claim. And maybe they are right. Maybe people like me, like us, can’t fix the world so that no one else has to grow up lonely and hurting. I must tell myself to forgive often. Maybe the world doesn’t even need fixing, maybe I’m just broken and can’t see clearly and there aren’t any other people like me at all. I must tell myself to keep moving forward. All I can do is try to fix me before I die but on the other hand, why? Perhaps I’m not calm because I shouldn’t be sitting around with glazed over eyes like nothing is happening except inner storms. Perhaps I catastrophize because I know better than a lot of folk what happens when nobody fucking cares. Perhaps none of us are as individuals worthy or valuable or beautiful or smart or talented or lovable because all of that shit is made up and our only promise is the success of the collective not one aggressive soul. Perhaps the fact that a lot of foul shit is constantly forgiven by ‘good’ people, that the worst amongst us keep doing horrible things because who wouldn’t if they had a perpetually renewable free pass? I could be wrong…so we all just move forward…

People like me, like us are really good at excuses, if nothing else, I suppose.

 

 

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