Taupe

He said I’m irritated. I expected someone to do something and they didn’t. So now I’m in limbo, hoping the thing happens soon so that I can handle another issue.
I didn’t care I was just glad that he was talking to me so I asked for details to keep the conversation going for once since it was not about sex.
And he said, my roommate’s son spent 200 I provided and it was supposed to be for something else so now I have to wait for the Indian dude to return it to me, but it hasn’t posted yet and it’s been several days so essentially since I’m responsible for a bill that isn’t getting paid for until I get that money back, the service has been disconnected until I get paid again.
And I thought ha, your life isn’t perfect like I fantasize it is, stupid boy. But how am I dealing with someone who has a roommate who has a child that is old enough to take money and not tell anybody? And why not just pay the money directly to the vendor, skip the middle man or woman? And how do you keep doing stupid shit and keep getting mad that stupid shit happens to you? And I hope you aren’t telling me this story because you hope I will front you until you get reimbursed because I would if you lived alone but if you lived alone then this wouldn’t have happened and who the fuck is this roommate and do you love this person and if you do and you are fucking with me that is what the fuck you get for being a busy body and too generous and thoughtless and dumb.
But I said to him, you have no control over the process at this point so what advantages are you getting from worrying about it? None. When you can take action, do so but for the time being, just relax. Have a shower, listen to music, chill. Everything will work out honey and it’s okay.
Even though I was laughing at him not with him and feeling superior to him and not really kind, those were my words because I love him and I was glad we weren’t talking about sex.
So the next day I checked with my new apartment complex in California to see if they had received my entire 1500 deposit and holding fee. The Leasing Agent said the 1000 arrived but the other 500 had not yet. Fortunately I had sent it certified mail so like a big shot I called the USPS and they confirmed that the local Post Office had received my mail on 7/7 but hadn’t delivered it. It’s 7/17. Now they didn’t know where it was and because they had just assumed it was a letter their advice was simply write another one. I said, can I check to see if the money order has been cashed since I got that from you as well and they said sure but there is a fee to check to see if the thing we lost of yours has been cashed or not. Worst case scenario, if it hasn’t in 60 days, you can get a refund and just resend it. I need to be moved at the end of August though. So if it is never found or sent, I have to come up with another 500 for something I have already paid, and wait until I get there to potentially have them do what they were supposed to do 2 months before.
And I thought, I’m irritated. These motherfuckers are so disrespectful. They don’t give a shit about service and this sucks and I should just burn down the entire world with my tirades and complaints, and now I have to completely re-budget to compensate for the half a thousand that is currently lost!
But then I remember that I said to him you have no control over the process at this point so what advantages are you getting from worrying about it? None. When you can take action, do so but for the time being, just relax. Have a shower, listen to music, chill. Everything will work out honey and it’s okay.
So I laughed at myself for just literally one day before being such a conceited self righteous asshole in my heart and having to take my own advice in less than 24 hours.
And maybe not because I wanted to
But I had to
Because the maliciousness of the heart will catch up to you quickly if it goes unchecked like mine
And I needed to prove that what I had said to someone that I loved
about how to handle worry and frustration
was right.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.