Mon plaisir…

You were the cleverest, most charming wordsmith that I had ever seen.
Nobody loved you and hurt you as much as me.
The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that obscure Carmel pub…
The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that sports bar in Henderson…
The jukebox playing music from my favorite band in that dive bar in Centerville…
You were the best looking, most confident black man that I had ever seen.
Nobody kissed you and lied to you as much as me.
The time I beat you in pool on accident in a chicken joint in Kentucky before a concert…
The time I rubbed your back at 3 AM in the hotel room in Indianapolis because you were so tired…
The time I BBQ’d for the 4th of July and invited all our friends over when we lived in Kissimmee…
You were the smartest, most elegant bald white man that I had ever seen.
Nobody listened to you and defied you as much as me.
The restaurants over the years where we’ve had breakfasts together- sometimes Bloody Marys in Dayton. Sometimes pancakes in Greenwood…
Sometimes¬† carne asada fries in San Bernadino County…
You were the prettiest long haired half Jewish half black man that I had ever seen.
Nobody cared for you and despised you as much as me.
The week day nights sitting at a penny slot machine in a bar off the strip in Vegas listening to overplayed pop tunes, classic because they were at least a decade old…
The few episodes of some BBC show that we sat on the couch in Beavercreek and watched together in silence and while you looked on, high and dumbfounded, at the screen… I always stared at you…
You were the sweetest, most adventurous man that I had ever seen.
Nobody cared about you and stalked you as much as me.
The time we cuddled in a single dorm room bed together in Muncie and watched the Million Man March on TV…
The time you sat in our living room armchair and watched our neighbor fuck me on the sofa in our home…
The time you pulled my breast out of my shirt in front of the dude I was dating and plopped it into your mouth in LA…
The time you went for beer just so I could fuck your friend and you came back and lit a bowl and joined us in Kettering…
You were the youngest,most perfectly chiseled, prettiest white man that I had ever seen.
Nobody worshiped you and choked you as much as me.
Then you said you never really liked me because I was too demanding and left me.
The confidence faded into the resentment that it truly was.
Then you said that my self esteem was too low for someone as great as I was and left me.
The elegance turned into the biting that it truly was.
Then you said you didn’t want to impede the progress of my trajectory and left me.
The sweetness morphed into the apathy that it truly was.
Then you said that you ain’t shit and that I deserved the love that you couldn’t give and left me.
The prettiness became the frowns that it truly was.
And I was never confused about small blessings or the eventual leaving
For the time that you were you with me, you were my favorite thing.
(He was, he was, he was, he was and he was)
Love with me is always only ever ending, I know what horizons indubitably bring
Another one of you will be delivered to my doorstep and for a time offering
Willing, pining and giving effortlessly to who you wanted me to be
A brand new song to sing… in some future place that I’ve never been…
I’m already waiting…

 

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