Ohio Renaissance Festival

When I was 41, I pissed on the chest of a 22 year old Abercrombie looking white boy who was a soccer and poker player in this apartment.
I found out that it wasn’t just depression or PTSD or PMDD but Borderline Personality Disorder in this apartment.
I frantically paced wondering where my son had run off to at 10 PM with no shoes on and without his housekeys in this apartment.
I made a sex tape of my stalker fucking me from the back while on a conference call in this apartment.
I lost 70 lbs walking for hours from this apartment.
I watched Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency episodes on the sofa with the most beautiful man I ever met in this apartment.
My mother watched NCIS and ate my grapes, while I sat in the dining room with my two younger siblings and got high and drunk and talked about her ass in this apartment.
I helped my only child pack for a week away state camp he got nominated to attend for potential law makers at a prestigious university when he was a junior in high school in this apartment.
I’ve killed a cup full of spiders a year in this apartment.
I went to Italy for 10 days for my 40th birthday with my childhood friend slash sorority sister while living in this apartment.
I drove my son to a different town every year to meet his favorite celebrities at comic cons from this apartment.
I’ve played all night long drinking games with my ex and his best friend from Vegas and outdrank them both in this apartment.
I’ve left a cigarette or two burning after I had passed out intoxicated in this apartment.
I had a dude send me a photo of himself threatening to cut his own dick off if I wouldn’t stay with him in this apartment.
I stopped talking to my father again in this apartment.
I took my favorite person to eat lunch with his immediate replacement to see what he thought of him one February morning and he approved temporarily while living in this apartment.
My bestie got me high and made me mashed garlic cauliflower, buttered asparagus  and lemon pepper salmon in this apartment.
I fucked a fat dude that I never spoke to again because I didn’t like him to begin with in this apartment.
My son graduated and just moved out of this apartment into his new apartment.
I dragged a 24 year old from my couch to my bed room, stripped him, took photos of him and then used my strap on dick to fuck him until he nearly cried in this apartment.
I got an Incubus album art tattoo for my birthday gift to myself in this apartment.
And I started therapy, a serious attempt, in this apartment.

 

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