I catch myself staring at ceilings.
I don’t know more than I think that I do.
She should be so much further I tell myself, so much stronger by now.
If you care you’re stupid too.
I think everybody in every car around me is watching me drive and judging.
I’m so far away from home now but I don’t know where home ever was.
She should be so much thinner I tell myself, so much sexier by now.
If you care, you’re just as lost.
I heard what you said but I’m busy trying to figure out what you meant.
I think I’m pretty enough until a pretty person shows up.
She should be so much closer to being wise, I tell myself, so much more resilient by now.
If you care you’re stupid too.
I like to chew things up and then spit them into my hands for inspection.
My mind wakes up a full hour before my body does already talking shit.
She should be famous or something close to it in somebody’s mind by now.
If you care, you’re just as lost.
I catch myself imagining what my life would be like if you’d let me love you.
Love sounds so good right about now, I think.
She’s just alive and foolish and a broken love sick little girl just like she always was, even now.
If you care, let me know…


3 responses to “43 years, 2 months and 18 days of pugilism”

  1. Da Absentee Avatar

    Im curious…. why “pugilism” for the title?

    Like

    1. Queen Rude Avatar

      Fighting myself in my head. At this point, I’m a professional at mental boxing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Da Absentee Avatar

        #LoveIt #MentalBoxing

        Like

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