Now that I actually noticed it
I’m thinking about all these scenarios where I really thought that I was in love with this guy and he was like everything and then, now that I remember correctly
something about that situation was related to period sex.
I don’t know what love is, I never did.
Either I didn’t want to have it with him because he wasn’t special or I didn’t feel like fucking him at all just because I was on and I’m like should we still…but then he was either convincing or he said something awful and we would do it anyway
and then I loved him, what the hell…
oh my gosh,  I’m all like oh no, I’m bleeding oh no, and I kid you not
this one dude I was crushing on goes the bible says that a wife shouldn’t deny her husband…
well in that case
he’s getting some ass, right?
I’m his wife? Alright.
And thinking back over all of them collectively, we either got into it or if we didn’t
then I dragged him around my apartment by his hair during that week
and he was willing
or locked him the closet for a few hours and
he was willing and honestly
those were good releases too
considering it was period time…
I don’t know what love is, I never did.
and now that I actually noticed it
I’ve run through the list of them like whoa, I’ve done this lots
and lately, I’m starting to see it like,
I’ll say no …this is the situation and they are like whatever… let’s do it
and of course later, if they are a ‘lil crazy
they will say fuck me because it was so easy to hit
and I’m like uh, was it supposed to be hard?
How hard is it supposed to be?
Is it supposed to be harder because I’m bleeding?
That’s odd thinking considering…
So here’s the thing though, I think I’m having all these feelings during these flings
and I think I’m into these dudes but no not really
I’m just howling at the moon…
I don’t know what love is, I never did.
And all the other weeks when I’m not thinking about fucking, I’ve got shit to do
content too
but on that week I’m all crazy and my hormones are all over the place, and my body is getting ready to expel these damn eggs because I didn’t get pregnant so far this month, and it’s kinda like a last ditch effort festival in the desert and then I want to put it on somebody
and this heat has me ready to go
a couple days before or during cycle time, my body is all let’s do the dirt,
and the rest of the time I don’t care if you or anybody ever touches me
and actually I’m cool either way
until them five days …
Now that I actually noticed it
I’m thinking oh all this love stuff I feel its just a bunch of chemicals swirling around blood
all mixed together
so he’s the person for me I think but that’s not it at all
I’m a  machine and my machinery wants to interact with his machinery’s physique
at a particular time of the month since I’m more than old enough
and for as long as it fucking wants apparently
And I’ve no control over it intellectually
I don’t know what love is, I never did.
So since I realize now that this is the case…
I’m going to pay more attention to that on a go forward basis
because more than likely when you calculate it anyway,
I’m only fucking with him because for a few days
a month I don’t mind whose zoomin’ who
And perhaps I am too hard afterward on myself
blaming what love can do
for trying to explain to me
why I fucking love these nobodies
so damn much
in the first place
other than a bloody face

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