Meanwhile, back to me…

As soon as the wind subsides and I can feel the coolness from the uncontrolled breeze that blew by
I say
Gosh, I am sorry all of the time now
but for different reasons than I’ve ever said I’m sorry for before…
Now that the sun is going down and I can see the pinkish hue of the horizon kissing the edge of the earth
I recall
all of these damn breezes…
Like, I used to say sorry passive aggressively hoping that your acceptance of it would lead me to another manipulative win over you
all these damn sunsets…even though I didn’t know that manipulation was what I was doing at the time, which isn’t fine, I know and the only other time I would say it, is if somehow I assumed you misunderstood me but I would say that I was sorry to you for not understanding what I said, it didn’t seem as facetious in my head but there was no forgiveness being given at that moment, not like now, not like when you hear me say it today…
As soon as the edges of the evening cascade across my side of the ground I know its different…
because now I mean…
if you can, please forgive me, I’m not wise…
Before the distant stars long gone drape across the night sky believe me when I tell you…
that I’m still learning
every single evening…
and it takes me a minute to realize something that I have done was the wrong thing
and that I was just hurt and wasn’t really trying to hurt you, like normally I would have tried to, before I realized that sort of behavior was actually hurting me the most in the long run.
Gee whiz, I’m sorry and for once
as the next day begins to dawn…
fading out all the starlight with more blistering sun…

I fucking mean it.

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