Peruvian Nick Jonas hit me up this week talking about he “let himself into my place” and he’s just gonna hang out. Uhhhhhh no.
But I have his messages, ones that say things like I’m serious about you, you get me and you’re beautiful.
He’s got me fucked up.
I’ve lived through the Challenger Explosion.
He don’t have a key to mine… and didn’t he just ruin some girl’s life?
Well just to check that it wasn’t her, I forwarded the message to the number I had in my phone of hers, then CALLED THE FUCKING COPS.
While I’m reading shit he sent to me before this -like he wants to taste me everywhere in the back seat of cars and at movies and all the time and forever.
But his young ass don’t know that I was alive on Black Monday.

I also had security to check the premises because fuck all that. Homegirl was like he used to sneak into my place too but she’s “done with him”. He let me know once I said the popo was on the way that he had left. Jesus.
He sent me such great messages like I’m his type because I am so loving and so sexy and so smart and he could talk and be with me for as long as he lives. He is TOO PRETTY for this kind of creepy behavior.
He wasn’t around for the AIDS epidemic but I was.
People just assume because they are beautiful they can do anything to you. WRONG. How could he assume that because I’m never home he can just stay at mine? Are we betrothed, bitch? What a selfish greedy cheating motherfucker. I’ve never been so scared and mad before and I saw Rodney King get his ass beat live on my TV.

Turns out it was a test, right, he was checking to see if that type of shit would be cool.
Uh, all of this bullshit would not.
Even if he has sent me shower vids and emoji hearts and poetry, you can’t threaten your way into someone’s life.
He wasn’t even alive when Kurt Cobain died.
And he’s said he loved me a couple of times.

Motherfuckers need to get on their fucking feet and stop leaning on bitches for hope and help because that shit ain’t attractive. You can become so ugly so fast in this world.
I was alive and he wasn’t when all those people from Jonestown died.
Peruvian Nick Jonas has only ever lied.

So last night I was sitting outside the hotel, just smoking and drinking and being mad as fuck and this hippie space vagrant dreadlocked dude came and sat with me and shot the breeze and made a bowl for me out of one of my beer cans and let me smoke some of his bud and saved me some for today. He told me some black lady wrote the Matrix, and whatever is bothering me I should forget it because human beings are evil to the core lately.

I’m still mad and I don’t understand why I keep picking psychos, like whenever its “over” for them its not “over”- there’s always a caveat that makes me unsafe or puts me in danger.
But I’ve lived through Desert Storm.
I get it, if I want something I want it hard too and I’ll go further than I should to retain it, that is so true because nothing I’ve ever known has been permanent but I’m not that pretty and the worst thing I’ma do
is write a bunch a shit about them and get drunk and fuck a stranger and that’s the extent of it.
I’ve been alive longer than the fucking internet.
These empty airheaded gorgeous motherfuckers are getting tattoos of my name, threatening to cut their dicks off with katanas, threatening to slash tires of other lovers and now apparently, considering breaking in to my home in order to lay on my couch and sniff my undies while I am away working without contributing to a single bill and at the very least using a fucking key.

Ugh. I am so done. ( I say that a fucking lot and then I see another beautiful model type mother fucker and my dumb ass Romeo heart is all aflutter again.)
No one has ever told the truth for my entire life. Oklahoma City and New York City have been bombed during my time here so I don’t believe in safety.
Only safety I got is me.
Y’all shoulda just let me be a nun and be a wife of Jesus like I wanted to from the start.
Jesus ain’t real so he wouldn’t have broken my heart.
I only have a little hope because I saw the Berlin Wall fall, but at some point I should give up.

Love is for others, not me.
Trust is a weakness, I see.
Beauty is a weapon and people are shit.
And I know that If you like them they will try to use and abuse you
Because Annie Lennox sang it.

I just want to be over it. Bring on the hippie flower children and the weed. Calgon, save me.