Me: You are really cute so let’s see where it goes.
Cutie: Well, I do need to tell you then, I have herpes.
Me: Oh. I see. Well it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, does it?
Cutie: Oh so what I’m not good enough for you anymore ’cause a second ago you were totally into me and I swear to god this is so fucked up because I do everything right, I work hard, I’m loyal, I’m faithful and this one thing means I have to be alone right? Forever? This is such bullshit!  I never get to have love, huh is that it? Well, fuck everything and everybody! You don’t know how tired I am and how much I have done to try to prove to people that I deserve love and I’m worth it, I really am, this shit is so unfair, I just want to die, I don’t have nothing, nothing at all, I can’t win no matter what so just fuck everything, I’m sick of this world!!!
Me: Damn. I uh, I’m sorry. But hey, I never said I didn’t like you anymore. I just think we should take it slow and be extra careful that’s all.
Cutie: I’m sorry for going off in that case, I’m just frustrated and I really like you and I don’t want it to be a problem that I want to touch you and kiss you and be with you… like I thought you were leaving me alone.
Me: It’s not the worst thing in the world kiddo and I didn’t want to stop getting to know you all together. We like the same music, and I can talk comics with you, we’re fine.
Cutie: We are?
Me: Yeah, we’re fine. And you’re cool. I’m just saying don’t rush your heart into anything when I move to Vegas in September, you’ll forget all about me anyway…
Cutie: You’re moving to Vegas!? So……… should we just say goodbye now or what then?
Me: Wait, what?
Cutie: Yeah, uh, nawl, long-distance relationships disgust me, I would never do anything like that. Ew.