Facing Inner Demons lately

Since I stopped exclusively thinking of me through you
there’s so much that has happened, and so much that I’ve been up to
let’s see, I lost my job due to COVID-19, apparently I’m not essential anywhere it seems
I did not call my crazy mother on Mother’s day but she didn’t call me either, what can I say
I’m the same loser that I have always been and I bet you haven’t changed
You’ve probably still got a trashy heart and a mind that is slightly deranged
It’s getting warmer so the bugs want to come inside,
so I called the apt to tell them to not let critters hide
I’ve stopped seeing people, I’ve been home close to 70 days
I’ve stopped wearing pants and I’ve stopped cutting greys
I’ve smoked a little weed and had a barrel full of drinks
my belly has distended because of it but nobody else will probably ever see
I think about you less and less and when I do I’m not sure if I should smile
The longer that I stay away from you the better I get after a while
I’ve been watching stoic philosophy shows and vids about managing BPD
I’ve been trying to meditate a little more and react less to what is stimulating me
I stopped reaching out to you just a couple of weeks ago
40 years ago it seems and I wonder if you think of me at all but probably only for something nasty
I’ve been listening to loads more music and trying to go with the flow of things
I sleep on my couch most nights because my bed seems happier empty
You could reach out to me if you wanted, its never really too late
but if you don’t that’s probably best for us both
maybe now I could write something great…

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