The Need for Confessional Booths: A Behind The Scenes Look at the BullShit I go through

To: Editor for the Publishing Company that will be distributing this fuckshit-ass book I wrote nearly a decade ago
Cc: The evil ass bastard that I am writing about because fuck him.

 

Good Morning Everyone,
I would like to apologize regarding this e-mail exchange thread that I just read where comments are attributed to me that I did not make. If I may, let me provide a little bit of personal information in order to clarify. 
Thomas and I had a long term relationship from around 2005-2012 off and on. During this time I and my only child relocated from Indiana to California. I met Thomas when I was suffering from undiagnosed Emotional Regulation Disorder which I had just assumed was depression. That in itself could be a book if I had the patience to write it, as I tried to end my own life twice before meeting Thomas. Although I know that he knew that there was ‘something wrong’ with me, he couldn’t name it, but he made sure every single day that we were together to not only berate me verbally but consistently attack my value and self-esteem. I allowed this because my mother was the same kind of person but eventually left him and came back several times, again, because I did not know how to control my own reactions, actions, and even thoughts at the time. I figured if I could convince someone who hated me like Thomas to love me, that maybe someday I could convince my mother to feel the same way. I was wrong about both of them and I accept that fact now.

I have always been a writer.
I published my first works at 15, and at 17 paid for my first undergraduate years at University, through writing scholarships. Most notable at the time, I wrote an essay during a black history month contest about my grandmother, won the contest, and was allowed to read my essay on WTLC in Indianapolis, and received award money from their sponsor, White Castle, Inc. In Undergrad, not only was I an English Major, Creative Writing Minor, but also a poet. I wrote a one-act play in school called Quietus Vexed and won the National Association of Black Journalists Playright award. I was an Opinion Columnist for our school paper and wrote poetry for several Student and Local Indiana Print publications.
When I met Thomas I was so mentally disoriented that all I did was journal; I loved writing but I could not focus. I think I might have been frightened of it. I mentioned to him that if I could live my perfect life, I would be an author. He laughed at me and made fun of me. When we broke up the first time, I moved out with my son, started therapy, and a blog, which still exists, called Desperatelydespicabledrivel.com. I’ve interviewed other artists on the blog, written short stories and although it is primarily poetry and prose, have garnered 5000 followers around the globe. On my personal writing page TL Banks on Weebly, there are poetry fans from Spain, Italy, and the States wearing Desperatelydespicabledrivel.com teeshirts to promote my site and my work. That isn’t a lot, I am aware but for poetry, a dead art, it speaks volumes and warms my heart.
Thomas, who to my knowledge has never held down any standard of formal employment from the time that I have known him, assumed because I could write that so could he. Because I was “stupid” to him- anyone could do it. He and I moved from CA to NV for financial reasons, and we drank heavily every day and fought like wild animals every evening. It was not a welcoming or loving home environment for my child, and even in the middle of my personal mental struggles I knew that and saved money to get away from him. He demanded basically that I help him write a book about his psychotic rantings and genuinely and for the sole purpose of keeping the peace until I could move out, I sat down with him, listened to him rant about every topic, and tried to agree and see his point of view. I took his nonsense babbling and tried to turn it into coherent “discussions” and tried to write using his voice. This was me really just cultivating my skill and trying to be brave about something I love so much, writing. I never thought anyone would see it but the two of us.
Once I was done, I had enough money to leave, and although we have interacted on and off over the years, I have done my level best to stay as far away from him as possible when I am healthiest and completing my CBT therapies. 
I had no idea that after all of these years, Thomas was shopping this book to distributors, and when he reached out to me about it, I figured that he was lying, because throughout our knowing one another, he would continually lie to me about getting a job, loving me, us being together, and often about how rich we could be if I was locked in a room dictating his thoughts to the world, manifestos if you will and quite frankly wearing a Burka which he has also mentioned in jest.
He cannot write, does not read and can barely spell, and the fact that I mention it, I can hear him berating me now for being elitist, stuck up, entitled and obviously of low value and low self-esteem to draw attention to what he deems to be irrelevant social skills.
Since I have been away from Thomas, I have published 7 books on my own; The Minx, It’s Never Over, Lascivious Musings, Licking Wounds, Seven Thirty, Savage Lamentations, and Feeling Zaffre. I self-published them with FastPencil and Lulu. I also write for the online Men’s Magazine Morpheus. I have a robust Twitter feed (@queenrudenation) and have been a member of the California Writer’s Club (Jack London), The Las Vegas Poetry Society, and the Ohio Poetry Association. I am currently working on my Master’s degree in Instructional Design Technology.
I was initially averse to selling Drunk Talk because of the trauma that I went through to write it but I thought that whatever I received from the sale, I would share with the Shade Tree Women’s Shelter in Las Vegas because although I never had to live there, I thought about it every day that I was with him, and if I can support those women and children who survived domestic violence, with my work, then it is my obligation to do so. I would give the remaining part to my child, who had to live with me having emotional issues and live with Thomas, who pretty much spent every single day on our sofa or at the casino, yelling at me, drunk and pretty much verbally assaulting my child as well. He used to call my son a ‘psychopath’ to his face when he was only 6 years old because my son is gay.
The idea of a sequel has been all of Thomas’s concoction. I never agreed to write anything else with him, but because he is a master manipulator, he must have been dropping seeds of his intentions to you all without my knowledge, from the beginning. As a manipulator, he knows to tell part of the truth, and I know this trick as well as a professional writer. I currently work as a Corporate Trainer for an Automotive retail company and have for the past 7 years, where I am an instructional designer and technical writer. I know that telling part of the truth in a lie, makes the lie believable.
Yes, Thomas asked me about a sequel and I told him initially let’s see how we perform with what we have. This was to quiet the discussion really but he does know how to press! Afterward in all of our future discussions, I explained to him that our deal with you is for publishing and distribution and it would be up to us to sell the book. In order for us to profit “in advance” for a sequel, we would have to have a formal contract with a publishing house for the manuscript itself. He does not understand a single business process, not only in writing or any other industry to my knowledge.
Thomas is not responsible for writing a single sentence in the book “we” have submitted but they are his “ideas”. He is not a writer, therefore he will require a second person to put pen to pad so to speak to continue in this field. That second person emphatically will not be me, and I have expressed that to him clearly. He is also not allowed to contact me via phone for obvious reasons, and yet, he is sending messages to you all that I am not playing ball, and am asking for money I do not deserve. I did not and would not do that, and all my credentials as a writer can be verified with a simple google search.
Although I realize that none of this was necessary to disclose to all of you, I did want you to understand that our relationship is strained at best, and I would prefer to communicate with the editing team directly, and not through Thomas if that is possible.
I wholly appreciate in any event his efforts to make a name for himself on my back, because you took a chance on my words and I will be forever grateful that even in my darkest hours on this planet, I was able to concoct sentence structures that would appeal to readers. If the editing team would consider my writing in other areas or different books I would gladly continue to work with you all, you have been very kind and forthcoming with me. However, I do not think outside of this current arrangement any dealings with Thomas would be advantageous or even healthy for me.
I again, apologize for any confusion from him about additional books or requests for advances on my behalf as there were no such demands offered or made and excuse my candor, but I felt like the depth and breadth of our disconnect would not have been understood otherwise.
I am a professional and I am willing to promote this work and help to market and sell it because I did write it. Thank you for your support and development of the content.
Any questions or concerns that relate to me, can come to me directly. I am the horse’s mouth.
TL Banks

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