I’ve only got a certain number of days
And how many have I wrecklessly spent and wasted away
Blind grasping for some thing else to come
that will suddenly make me feel happy instead of dumb
I forget often that if I am feeling this way that means I’m alive
This thing is a thing I am feeling and not how I have to be defined
If I keep looking for some thing outside in the world
A lovable boy or an encouraging girl
Or a flower that never dies or a moon I can touch or a barkless tree
Or just anything outside myself to be the tangible focus of my being
that I can tether all these emotional outbursts to
I’ll mistakenly feel safe and not afraid of how far I can move
because there is an invisible string attaching me to said thing
therefore keeping the me that I pretend to be safe in a way
But I’ve only got a certain number of days
Reliving my own history’s bad experiences by clawing at walls aint okay
Safety is not real so here is the deal, death can’t be denied only delayed
I’m going to have to make me the person, make myself the thing
that I’m strapping my hopes and dreams on the back of religiously
and perhaps for once I can truly give myself that love
that I keep on looking through fogged glasses out in the world for
I don’t need another boy, I need to be that girl
That’s my own favorite cause to lift up when minutes are tough
instead of giving that power to diamonds in the starlight and poisons in my cup
I forget often that if I am feeling this way that means I’m still here
This thing is a thing I am feeling and not something I should fear
The invisible string is time and its clipped shorter no matter what I do
Every second is another chance at real self love that I can’t keep sliding through…