Making moves to plan the plays

When I was a girl
I imagined that a relationship
would make me feel
cared for
and valuable.
Has anything about that really changed at all?

When my emotions run off course
as they often do
and I’m searching for me again through
another “you”
to give me love in a very specific way
every single day
maybe I can change
and make myself feel
how I wanted someone else to
when I was a girl.

If I want to feel official I can toot my own horn and praise my own name, can’t I?
If I want to feel secure I can save more of my money than I waste, right?
If I want to feel honored I can accept the compliments I receive and do the same for the ones who matter, surely.
If I want to feel trusted I can check in with and find ways to help the friends I consider family, yes?
If I want to feel seen I can simply keep writing it out I guess.
If I want to feel cared for I can pamper myself and exercise every week, no?
If I want to feel valuable I can keep looking for new ways to do all of this just for me, I’m sure.

The more things I complete
to show that little girl in me
that loving myself is the most important relationship that I have
maybe I’ll believe again someday that love from others really exists
but none of the parts of it that count to me will I have missed.

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