I heard an orchid say I’m sure the view looks better with me in his passenger seat…
I heard an iris admit he liked dirty panties and sucking dirty feet…
I heard a daffodil whisper I’m just his girl friend’s type if I’d like to meet…
I heard a tulip proclaim my makeup could be spread on his counters if I let him film…
I even heard a common daisy exclaim he wanted to be my stepson so I could spank him…
So I gathered them all up and told them all at once
I hear all of your sly comments, pretty pumpkins-
my daddy used to call it planting seeds-
You’re not really saying shit, you’re just testing things…
Listen, I try to be a straight shooter and therefore hope that I am crystal clear
I’m not meeting anyone I don’t trust and I’m not sending nudes or fucking strangers this year
just because they are lonely or bored – just because we are not face to face
Don’t talk to me like you’ve paid me and don’t act like I’ve misunderstood shit you claim
Now, please, don’t get defensive, beautiful ones-
I know that your heart wants to respond
“I didn’t say anything about hooking up”
Yeah, I’m aware. I’m just not stupid and we have no bonds.
This is preemptive.
If a good time gal is what y’all looking for, I hope you find one and godspeed
Good luck and enjoy sweethearts, because obviously, I’m not what you need-
I’m not a girl anymore even if I’m giving off that vibe
So either we talk about things that interest us both
or you can easily get off my page and outta my life
leave the innuendo and suggestive comments
until we know one another better or we part ways now, wasting no time on bullshit
and go about our merry separate ways, there’s the exit door…
Do you even feel the crisp Autumn air- over there
I don’t really fucking care- it’s cool as fuck over here
I’m fine either way, friends…because I don’t see a single rose in the bunch

I clearly need to stop talking to flowers now…
Maybe I’ll have better luck with some trees…

And they say in unison You’re a bitch! A teasing bitch! A fucking slutty tease!

A weird bitch! A stuck up ugly bitch and mad rude and suddenly mean!
I heard an orchid say I’m sure the view looks better with me in his passenger seat…
And when I told him no thank you then that motherfucker reported me.