I don’t trust myself enough to not believe that I didn’t subconsciously create drama for me
And maybe my best self will never know what it can learn from your best self because both of us are just running programs we downloaded quite a while ago
I know I don’t know shit yet
I feel like if I’m the only person who is touching it
then maybe it means no one else wants to but that simply isn’t factual
If they could get away with it, someone would still rape me
and I can’t tell if that is a compliment or not because I am just running programs I practiced what seems to be a really long ass time ago
I could be a prostitute still, I mean… if I wanted me to
but the side effects of me have generally included feeling like painting, getting mad and then body shaming, some sort of unsavory decisions coupled with some sort of servitude
to some ancient ass fuck ass programs I learned while I was still figuring out how to choose
I know I don’t know, well, you know
Watching the maceration of my own skin as it tries to heal
Worried about who you network with when the fact is still
Not sure who I have outgrown because I don’t yet trust my judgment
on anything especially regarding what I was put onto this planet to do
yet you’d still try and kill me if you wanted to and didn’t have consequences
Should I be flattered- Possibly- ain’t nobody trying to destroy nonvaluable things-
Maybe those old programs were a safety device and maybe you’re worth more than your color or your gender or your size and perhaps I’m worth one entire whole ass life
and maybe sex wasn’t an intimate skill just an extension of pride
Maybe all those decrepit ass programs were just glorified
Somewhere down deep new skin grows over
Somewhere down deep I know
Nobody is better than anybody else
when you see human blood on a floor